When "Mama" Becomes "Mom"

My children have called me by two names, Mama and Mom. Mama is my favorite word in the English language, and I secretly wish that all four of them would still call me Mama. I did not expect how sad I would feel when I suddenly went from Mama to Mom with no choice in the matter. It's a shift all mothers go through, yet we are never taught how to handle it. Here's what happened in our house. I admit that I didn't go through this change gracefully, so maybe you can learn from my story.

When Reese was seven years old, he had keenly observed that other kids his age were not saying Mama. He didn't really ask me if it was okay to switch, he just did it one day. Bam! He called me Mom. 

I caught it the first several times and reminded him, "Reese, I'm Mama." He looked at me, sort of sighed, rolled his little eyes, and said, "Okay." He still continued to try to change my name though. After a while of me trying to convince him to stop calling me Mom, he told me that he was just too old to say Mama. Reluctantly, I agreed. I was going to let go a little. 

I would encourage him to grow up. 

Fine. Reese could call me Mom. But only Reese.  

The three younger stinkers would still need me to be Mama. 

They would be calling me Mama for a very long time. I would be fine being Mom to one child. Fine.

Um, nope…not true.

Once Trixie caught on to Reese's newfound independence, she didn't want to be a "baby" anymore. She asked me why she had to keep saying Mama when Reese had stopped. I didn't understand why she was making such a big deal out of it. It wasn't like it was a punishment. She was my little girl, my only girl, and she should want me to be her mama. She was younger, and it was just the way it should be. She was going to keep calling me Mama till she was seven. That was fair.    

My little plan did not go as I had hoped. Slowly, but surely, Trixie started sneaking in Mom, too. She did it until, just like with Reese, I grew tired of reminding her to say Mama. She wore me down and won. She was barely six, and I was now Mom to two kids and Mama to two kids. 

Having two names went on for a while, but not as long as I had hoped it would. Chip started the switch much younger than the other two. I can't really remember the exact time because by then I was so outnumbered, I lost track. Marshall is four now and has been alternating between Mom and Mama for about six months. Sadly, this last baby of mine calls me the very grown up term of Mom half the time. I gave up my reminders much faster with Marshall.   It wasn't really worth it. He hears everyone else saying Mom, so naturally that's what he says, too. I'm actually surprised he ever says Mama at all.  When he does, I do a little dance in my head, holding on to these precious moments that are so fleeting. Last weekend he told me he loved me through the blueberry bushes. Before I know it, he'll be eleven and won't even want to wave to me in public. I've learned to take what I can.

I know this is ridiculous, but I feel kind of jealous when I hear my friends' older children still saying Mama and Mommy. It makes me feel like their sweet, young children must still need their mamas more than my mouthy, big kids need me. 

I'm just Mom now. Just the washer of the laundry, the maker of the food, the driver of the car. Mom.

All this makes me wonder: why do I care so much? 

I have decided I just need to get over myself. At least I have children to need me, and at least they are calling me something. Their needs have changed so greatly over the years, therefore the ways I've mothered them has had to morph with them. I went from providing them with milk, warmth, and comfort, on to becoming their teacher, counselor, and confidant. It is only fitting that what they call me would change as well.  My growing kids may not need me for the same reasons babies need their mamas, but they will need me to be their mom forever. 

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo