Can Bratty Kids become Caring Adults? Heck Yeah!

Marshall just finished telling me that he hates me...again. He's four. He says it a lot. He also says that I'm mean. He sometimes tells me that he wishes I didn't exist. He says all the food I make is gross. He usually yells these obscenities when I'm carrying out my motherly duties of denying more Wii time, refusing to buy candy at the store, instructing him to change his dirty socks, and telling him that I want him to eat his dinner. How dare I? I really am a rotten person, right?

Should I be worried that he is going to grow up to be some terrible monster who screams and yells at everyone? Maybe, but honestly, I'm not. I'm not worried about it at all. 

I have two solid reasons to believe his outbursts at four are not a big deal.

1. He (and his older siblings) do not behave this way for everyone. Teachers and other parents from school find my children exceptionally well behaved. They adore them. They praise them! Sometimes, I wonder if we're talking about the same children. I have learned that the fact my children act up under my authority and not others' is because they feel extremely safe at home. They know we love them unconditionally, and even if they call us names or raise their voices in fits of frustration, we are still going to be their mom and dad, hug them, love them, read them stories, and make them our priority. 

2. I was kind of a bratty kid myself, yet I turned out to be a very giving and loving person. I was very similar to my own children in that I acted up at home but behaved impeccably at school. My best friend will laugh and tell you that if my mom did not give me what I wanted, I would stomp my feet and whine, "But, Whyyyyy?" I remember slamming my door and yelling that I hated my parents. My older brother and I fought so much that we couldn't spend the night together at our friends' house on the same night. I procrastinated on everything. I'm sure I drove my mom and dad crazy! I was a stinker at home, probably because I knew I was safe there, and my mom and dad would love me no matter what. Then I went into the real world and impressed the heck out of everyone with my, you know, perfection. 

Do you ever hear those people who see crying kids and say, "I never would have acted like that as a kid?" Or even worse yet, "My kids always behaved in public." Yeah, right! All kids misbehave just like all kids are good inside. We just never know what mood is going to strike them at any given moment. They're kids for crying out loud, and although it is our job to teach them proper manners and respect for authority, it is impossible to control them. One minute they loathe us, the next, they love us.

Like last night when I heated up Bagel Bites for Marshall. He smiled sweetly at me and said, "Mom, you make the best dinners ever!" We have to learn to take the ups and downs of parenting and hope that eventually we'll come out ahead. One day, our children will become successful, respected members of society, and we can laugh about the times they threw tantrums over Fruit Loops. 

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