Mark gives directions or attempts to enforce a rule, in his stern dad voice.
The child leaves, crying, because the fact Dad told him to brush his teeth is pure torture.
As he is stomping away, I call after him, in my sweet, sing-songy voice, "I love you!"
Sounds innocent enough, right?
I had never realized what I was doing until Mark pointed it out to me. I guess I really was saying it often, but not because I wanted them to love me more. That's ridiculous. It was because I wanted them to know that even though we were disappointed in something they had done or failed to do, we still loved them. Sounds like something any mom would do, right? Although, why was I saying, I loved them and not we?
Eventually, when Mark caught on to what I was doing, he brought it to my attention. He felt I was undermining what he was trying to teach the kids at the time. I agreed it made sense, and so I thought I would just stop doing it.
Hmmm, not so much. Sometimes I catch myself before I say it, but whenever I do follow-up with my usual "mama loves you," Mark has developed a new way to let me know it has happened...again.
When the kids leave the room, he makes a milking sound. You know, the sound a baby would make while suckling for milk. Only our kids did not drink milk from bottles, they drank it from me. So, it's a metaphor for what he feels my constant reassurance means.
Like I want to bribe them with the boob to keep them as babies and loving/needing me most. Pretty profound, huh? Whatever!
I really have tried to stop calling after them when they are in trouble. I know it is not necessary. If I do, it's to say, "We love you!"
If I'm the one being bossy to the kids and making them cry, Mark chimes in to save the day. He yells after them, in his warm, kind voice, "Daddy loves you!"
I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
Adam has started telling me, "Mama, I love you the most than you." It makes absolutely no sense, but I think he's trying to tell me I am indeed his favorite parent.
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