Thursday, November 26, 2015

Celebrating Holidays without a Village


When reminiscing about our childhood holidays, we may fondly remember piling in our parents' car, driving from house to house to see the extended families of both our mothers and fathers. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day could be packed with festivities, from morning till night, as several generations lived in the same town. A ten minute drive from one grandma's house, to another aunt's house, and back home again, in time to set out a plate of cookies for Santa was typical. Streets were lined with cars, as every house on the block was hosting a family celebration…gathering with their village.

Fast forward to today. Parents are not always living or raising their children in the same situation that was common for Americans in previous years. My generation is the generation which moved away from our hometowns. We graduated from college and joined a global workforce. We live where wide ranges of opportunities exist, and we are eager to explore cultures and experiences, many of which are vastly different from what we had known as children.

My parents still reside in my childhood home, and my grandmother peacefully lives in the only place I have ever known as hers. I cherish that continuity and safety which exists for me. I love that I'm able to look out my parents' back window to gaze at my kids playing with their cousins…the same yard where I played with my cousins and friends and brothers. I appreciate the moments when I walk into my grandma's kitchen, and she offers me butter pecan ice cream, just as she did thirty years ago. I know how special it is to have these places to return to, not only in my memory, but also in real time with my children.

Yet, my husband and I have not created the same experience for our own children. We aren't able to settle down near our parents or siblings. We are the ones who don't live there. Checking calendars weeks in advance and waiting to see how the weather will pan out is always a part of our visits. Though emotionally close, we actually aren't with our village.

We are not the only family living this way. A large portion of our friends are what we call transplants. So many people have moved into this area to work, from a variety of other states and countries.

So, how do we manage this life, without our built-in village living near us? The answer is two-fold:

First, we make sure that our immediate family, the six of us, is strong.

Second, we work to build meaningful relationships with other families with similar values. We are becoming a village for one another.

As the holidays approach, I reflect back on the farthest place we ever lived from our village. For two years, we celebrated Christmas in  Japan. Although we may have missed out on the huge gatherings of cousins and indulging in our favorite American dishes, we received the blessings of something much richer. Our village was full. It busted at the seams with every other family who was missing home and craved to be surrounded by love. Our children played with children they had grown to know like cousins. We ate, drank and were merry with the friends who were living life with us. They weren't our brothers or sisters, but we felt entrusted to them because of our shared experience.
 
As I wish you a Happy Holiday season, I'd like to extend a challenge to my readers. Some of you are surely long-time residents of your town, while others of you are transplants (like me). If you are a lifer with a big heart, why not open up your village a bit to someone you know who needs one? Supporting a neighbor's child by watching him play basketball or attending her choir concert will help build a feeling of community and family. Extending an invite during the holidays will bring joy in ways you may not even be able to imagine.

To my fellow transplants, I know it's hard to move. I know it can be difficult to find or make that new village, especially if you left one behind that already seemed perfect. I know you miss seeing your own family for the holidays. I know! Until you find your village, try searching for a Newcomers Club in your area…and smiling. You will find your people.

Whether you are living in your village, or an ocean away, there's always room for more.
 
Happy Holidays to my people!!


Just a sampling of the village we made during our Japanese days.  

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