Peeling Back the Mask of Sensory Processing Disorder: Part 3

3 Rules to Navigating a New Stage in Parenting

Since I shared just a small fraction of our experience with Sensory Processing Disorder during Halloween time, I have been hearing from so many parents who are feeling that they navigate this world alone. What I would like to say is that you are not alone. Many of us have children who are dealing with similar frustrations. We just need to reach out and find each other!

You are probably wondering how that is possible when you already feel like you are the only parent going through it. These are some of the thoughts you probably have on a regular basis.

Other kids eat a variety of foods, including vegetables and non-processed meats. 
 
Other kids put on their winter coats, hats, boots and mittens without tantrums.
 
Other kids dip their toes in sand, grass or water without screaming.
 
Other kids like parades and the loud sirens and flashing lights that come with them.
 
Other kids willingly take baths when they need them, or maybe even before a layer of slime accumulates on their bodies.
 
Other kids move through childhood without ever knowing the struggle of an oversensitive body system. Gosh, why does everybody else have it so easy when my child cries every day about something?

The truth is, everybody doesn't have it as easy as we think they do. Every family is struggling with something. Each child probably has some issue that is causing concern in the home. Sensory processing is just one that is highly visible, and often at inopportune times, right?

I would like to encourage you that it is possible, and critical, to seek out other families who do battle the same issues. Parenting will feel a lot less lonely once you overcome the initial shock and make it your mission to connect with others who also are struggling. You can follow these three rules to help you.

Rule #1. Read...a lot!

I have discovered that using a variety of tools for gathering information makes life a little easier for all of us. Of course, I always turn to the library and Google. I read books, magazines, every pamphlet I see, Facebook and, obviously, helpful blogs. For whatever diagnosis your child has, there will be at least one online organization and support group which you will find valuable. I have learned that becoming as much of an expert as I can (while still being a busy mom with four kids, a husband, a house and myself to manage), is the first step.

As a parent, I will always be reading and learning. That part never ends. I accept it.  

Rule #2. Listen...a lot!

Through my many years of navigating my own children's issues and concerns, I have always turned to parents who have crossed the path before me. They are filled with so much experience, knowledge and advice. When I need help with something new, I look to those previous "experts." I have a notebook ready and actually write down what they tell me. It may sound silly or antiquated, but it's a crucial part of my tried and true process. I know I won't remember the entire conversation later, so I record the details. Doctors, therapists, foods, websites, resources. I jot all of it down, so that when I am ready to digest it later, everything will be right there in front of me.

How do I hear about these expert parents and who they are? I listen attentively when people talk. I remember when I hear about children having certain diagnoses. Mr. A's child has Asperger's; Mr. B's child has Tourette's; Mrs. C's child has allergies;  Mrs. D.'s child goes to speech therapy. I am able to remember and file these little tidbits into my brain and then use them like a Rolodex when it's time.

Because I have many children of varying ages, I do happen to know a lot of people. If you aren't part of as wide of a network as I am yet, that's okay. You can ask your friends for references. Ask your family. Ask your pediatrician. Ask on Facebook. Ask your neighbors, teachers, whomever you can! Someone...somewhere, will know somebody who has been in your situation in the past.

Rule #3. Talk...a lot!

Luckily for me, I have a big mouth. (I have shared that truth about myself with you, right)? I don't mind sharing my experiences with other people, especially if it can help someone through a difficult situation. I have found that my talking about our lives has already helped many others. Thus continues the circle of learning and listening. I'm hoping that others will remember what experiences I have had, and they will feel comfortable seeking out my help in the future.

Just the other evening at swimming, I overheard a mother talking about some struggles one of her daughters was having. As I had been in her situation in the past, my supersonic eavesdropping skills had been activated. Then, I scooted myself across the bleachers to see if there was anything I could do to help. Through our lengthy conversation, I learned that she felt extremely alone in this journey to advocate for her children. It was all very new to her, very overwhelming and very exhausting. These are the words parents often utter to one another when their guards are finally down: overwhelming, exhausting, confusing, sad, frustrating, emotional...HARD.

This particular woman was in a special circumstance because she actually had two children with two different syndromes and many questions. Somehow, I had been at the right place, at the right time, to extend some advice to this mother. At the end of our talk, she felt more confident, a little relieved and ready to tackle the next step in her journey.

Another obvious benefit of talking is that both parties can actually learn something. We can discover new therapies and strategies to try with our own children through the regular old art of conversation.

If you are a parent who has navigated life with a sensitive child, I'm sure you have tried these rules of Read, Listen and Talk. I hope that you will be willing to continue to share your knowledge with those new parents coming up behind you.

Just as every child is different, so is every child's method of sensory processing.

 

I am not a substitute for a therapist, but in our home, some tools which have benefited our child's specific sensory needs are:

• occupational therapy
• sound-proof headphones for parades
• sunglasses/hat for bright days
• granting him a choice in clothing, unless extreme weather is in effect
• giving a choice for bath time, hair-cut, nail trim: We tell him he can choose tonight or tomorrow, but it has to be done.
• brushing therapy
• therabands
• rolling over his body with a large yoga ball
• pouring piles of stuffed animals/clothes on him
• trampoline
• swimming
• bike riding
• swinging
• push-ups, sit-ups
• allowing him to jump against the couch
• a weighted lap pad

Most importantly, we try our best to show FLEXIBILITY, PATIENCE and LOVE.

If you're stumbling upon this post, please read back to Parts 1 and 2 of this series, in my anecdotal accounts of Peeling Back the Mask of Sensory Processing Disorder.

My Sensitive Kid Finally Wants a Halloween Costume! (Part 1)

Making Strides and Setbacks at Halloween (Part 2)


For many more resources, please check out The Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation's website.

For a great site to purchase brushes, bands, and lap pads, check out The Therapy Shoppe.

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

Peeling Back the Mask of Sensory Processing Disorder: Part 2

After writing about our family's experience with Sensory Processing Disorder during Halloween time, and seeing how greatly it affects so many children, I have decided to make this topic the focus of a 3 part series.

In Part 1, I described what life can be like for a child with sensory processing issues. After many years, my third child had finally decided to wear a Halloween costume.

In the post you are reading now, which is Part 2, I'd like to share what happened after Chip joyfully wore his costume for the first time. Often, sensitive children can change their minds at a moment's notice. I'll describe what it was like for him to attend his school's Halloween party, which has always been an overwhelming experience for Chip.

Finally, I will publish a piece for parents who are seeking advice or help with sensory processing issues. Please look for that in Part 3: 3 Rules to Navigating a New Stage of Parenting.

               

Making Strides and Setbacks at Halloween

 

After excitedly blogging about Chip wearing his Green Ninja costume around the house for an entire night, I felt he was ready to conquer Halloween! I was positive it was going to be the greatest year ever. I believed we were over that hurdle that had always been keeping him from truly enjoying a night of candy-grabbing and playing with friends.

Chip ran home from the bus on Friday afternoon, so excited for the Halloween parade at school. He dressed himself right away and counted down the hours until it was time to leave. I had warned my children ahead of time that they were going to need to be patient in the beginning, as we were arriving early to finish decorating our car for trunk-or-treat. They would need to wait with me while we completed that task, and then again while I greeted families at the door. (I was wearing My PTA-mom hat, along with my bright orange pumpkin shirt). Extra rules on an already sensory-overloaded night can be difficult.

I thought I had done my best to prepare Chip by explaining these guidelines many times before we left the house. However, once we were at the school, everything changed.

Tears started to flow.

He was crying about wanting to take off his costume.

He began insisting on never going to the parade again, never wearing a costume again, and predicting it was going to be a horrible night.

It all happened in just a few moments, right after we pulled into our parking space. I worried that everything Chip had overcome during the prior few days was going to be erased, and his new self-confidence would be forgotten.

Well, I was wrong.

Suddenly, out of the side window, Chip saw a few of his friends starting to arrive, too. More ninjas of varying colors were filing out of their cars. Football players, zombies, superheroes, Darth Vader. All of them were ready for the party and eager to see Chip. Seeing his friends in costume was enough to shake him out of his momentary lapse in Halloween readiness.

The rest of the night was a blur of what Chip described as "The Best Halloween Party Ever!"

Hundreds of parents and kids waiting in line for donuts and cider, children squashed up against each other on the floor watching a festive film, temperatures reaching sauna-like levels. All of these factors would have sent Chip into a frenzy in the past. This year, my boy did not melt down and cry to go home. He left me in the dust, braved it all, and said he couldn't wait for next year.

 

The junk bus is transformed for Trunk-or-Treat.

I only had half a bag of trash to clean out before the night! 

PS. It was much spookier in the dark.

(Photo courtesy of Christine H.)

For any parents with sensitive children, please feel safe in knowing you are not alone. Our kids' struggles are real, and they tend to move through them at their own pace. Even when they seem like they are moving ahead, setbacks are common. We just need to be supportive of our babies...day to day, moment to moment.

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

Peeling Back the Mask of Sensory Processing Disorder

One late October morning, while all of my children were at school, I embarked on a motherly mission to find a very specific Halloween costume for one of those kids. My highly-sensitive, hates-the-way-everything-feels-on-his-body, usually-never-wears-a-Halloween-costume, seven-year-old kid. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was that he actually chose to wear a costume this year! I was more than happy to spend my teensy weensy bit of free time that morning walking the aisles of Party City in search of the highly sought-after Green Ninja garb.

In the past, as any parent with sensitive children knows, Halloween has caused some major trauma in our family. We've had screaming, kicking, crying, yelling, fighting, all of which ends up with the child not wearing a costume anyway...obviously.

Our first glimpse into the world of no-costume Halloweens was when Trixie was just a toddler. We were living in Japan and were preparing to go trick-or-treating in the neighborhood surrounding the kids' International preschool. I was attempting to adorn her and Reese in their adorably plush Disney Store Pooh and Tigger costumes, which my mom had sent over from America. Trixie had such a major meltdown that I actually had to cut her out of the costume. Scissors went straight up the back of that sucker so I could peel it off of her, because she was so far into her sensory tantrum that there was no other way out of it. My kids were the only Americans in their school (the only kids who actually celebrated Halloween), and yet they showed up wearing pumpkin shirts instead of costumes to trick-or-treat.

Little did I know that our third child would also have such severe issues with his sensory system. Most parents whose children process their senses in a typical way can't imagine that other children do not find dressing up for Halloween to be fun and exciting. For those of us with sensitive kids, we accept their reality that Halloween costumes are annoying and itchy and hard and just feel wrong. It takes patience, and sometimes it can take years for parents to figure out just what is happening with our children's body systems.

Have you been there? Have you learned what works for them or are you still in the phase of wondering what the heck is happening?

As our parenting progressed, we, too, progressed at how quickly we could recognize the signs of sensory processing issues. Now, we just know what to expect, when to expect it, and we've learned to let the children guide most of what goes on their bodies. Whether or not our kids will wear a Halloween costume is always a toss-up. After I experienced the horror of slicing that brand new Winnie the Pooh to pieces, I happily vowed never to buy a Disney Store costume again.

One year, Chip decided to go as a stealth ninja for Halloween. Sounds like a costume, right? Well, actually, he just meant that he would wear all black clothing that was already part of his every day wardrobe. The next year, he was a soccer player. Again, nothing extra or unusual, just wearing his normal gym pants and his park league soccer t-shirt.

Does it matter to us what kind of costume or not-really-a-costume our kids wear for Halloween? Absolutely not. We want them to be comfortable and have fun, just like everybody else. However, early this September, we noticed a small shift in Chip's mentality. He started to talk about not wanting to wear anything at all this year, and then not wanting to go trick-or-treating. What was breaking my heart was that his sensitivity was going to start to hinder him.

Maybe some parents would find skipping trick-or-treat a good thing and not worth mourning. For us, it was a sad time, because we knew that Chip really did not want to give it up yet. He's only seven, and that kid LOVES candy. He craves it and sneaks it and devours it, and, well, he just loves it. All of his friends and sibs were growing excited for Halloween, yet he was unable to feel that happy anticipation due to his anxious sensitivity.

About two weeks before Halloween, Chip surprised us by quietly stating that he changed his mind and was planning to wear an actual costume this year. He had deduced that if he skipped any kind of costume and thus skipped trick-or-treating, he would not be receiving any candy of his own. His brothers and sister would not be obligated to share their stash with him, and he knew the rule:

No costume=no trick-or-treat=no candy. 

He had seen the Green Ninja costume in the Party City catalog, and somehow, he set his mind on that one. Something about Lego Ninjago, of course, because it's all the rage in second grade. When I found the costume in the store and looked at all of its layers and pieces, I didn't know how he would react when I brought it home. Would he willingly put it on over his clothes or exclaim that it bothered his skin or felt too tight? Parents with sensitive kids will rejoice with me when I tell you that Chip was ecstatic to see his Green Ninja costume waiting at his kitchen table seat after school. (We do have assigned seats at the dinner table-I highly recommend it to anyone with little ones who argue over where to sit). He put it straight on over his clothes and did not take it off until bedtime!

 

This night was a true reason to celebrate for my sensitive son. He shared with me how soft his new costume felt inside and that he could be like a real ninja while he was wearing it. He jumped, kicked, twisted and flailed, but this time, it was all in the name of play-fighting with Marshall. It was not to try to take off a costume that caused pain or frustration.

This weekend will be a special Halloween event at his school, where Chip can show off his new costume to all of the friends who don't live in our neighborhood. No more walking through the costume parade at school with kids asking him, "Chip, what are you supposed to be?" It will be glaringly obvious. He is a Green Ninja, and his mama is so proud of him!

To be honest, Halloween isn't the only time we struggle around here. We've come to realize that each child in our family has a varying degree of these feelings when it comes to what goes on or into their bodies. Their sensory processing struggles not only affect their clothing choices all year, but can also inhibit their abilities to enjoy food, sunlight and especially sound. As their parents, we can only do our best to guide them with ways to navigate the world that they inhabit. This year, Chip was able to place his love of candy above his fear of the unknown...that very scary world of Halloween costume discomfort.

http://www.autism-live.com/halloween-autism-advice.aspx

I decided to dedicate this topic to a 3 part series. Please read my other two sections in Peeling Back the Mask of Sensory Processing Disorder:

Making Strides and Setbacks at Halloween (Part 2)

3 Rules to Navigating a New Stage of Parenting (Part 3)


If you have a child with autism or sensory processing disorder, how have you handled the struggles? What are you hoping to learn from other parents' experiences? Let's share how we have managed this issue in the comments section.

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

My Kid Drank from a Fire Hose!

I'm pretty confident that the title of this post and the picture tell it all.

 

However, the incident does come with a cute story. Last summer, when Marshall was still only three, we were all attending a picnic and carnival for Mark's company. Trixie and I were in line for the face painting lady, while Mark took the three boys to check out the fire truck that had been parked on the property. The firefighters had hooked up their gigantic hose to a hydrant. From every vantage point throughout the carnival, guests could see high pressure water shooting across the lawn.

 

The face painting line was very long, so during our wait, Trixie and I heard many boys asking their parents if they could take a drink from the hose. Every mom said no, of course! That's what moms say. "No way! That water will knock your head backwards. It's too dangerous." Sensible moms.

 

Eventually, Trixie's face was painted like a puppy with a drooling tongue, so we met up with all the guys by the fire truck. That was when I learned that their dad had not only allowed, but encouraged, all of his sons to drink from the fire hose! Leave it up to four males to try something so crazy. Apparently, Marshall was the only one willing to do it, although I was surprised that the firefighters let it happen-twice. Marshall actually took one drink and then went back for more, which is when Mark took this photo.

 

For weeks, Mark was showing it to everyone we know, bragging about his brave baby drinking from the fire hose. I made sure to preface the sharing of the picture with the fact that I, his careful mother, was nowhere near the fire truck at the time. After seeing this shot dozens of times, I decided to look at it more closely, and I realized that it was actually a really cool photo.  Little Marshall was not hurt in any way, and he does like to tell people about it, too.

Let this be a lesson to sensible moms that dads (and grandpas and uncles) are capable of entertaining and playing with our children without our control. They can make their own fun, their own adventures and their own memories.

 

Can you think of a time when a man in your child's life (or your own) did something that a mother would probably never do, but it turned out to be just fine and even fun?



Sneaky Kid Digs into Banana Brunch Coffee Cake

I've spent the past twenty minutes looking through my kajillions of digital photos for one very specific picture. It is one that I took when Chip was four years old. I had just made two really delicious Banana Brunch Coffee Cakes and were letting them cool for a while on the kitchen counter. That's what we, meaning bakers, do when we make cakes. We let them rest for a while before we cut into them, right?

Well, that's what adults do. That's what people who have developed self control do. That is not what little boys do. Chip decided that he did not want to wait for Mama to slice him a piece of that cinnamony-sweet banana cake with a crunchy crumb topping. He decided just to help himself.

Did he know how to use a knife and spatula? Of course not! He just dug his chubby, stubby hands right into the middle of the cakes. Both of them!

What did I do when I found a chunk had been taken out of each cake, that just so happened to be the size of a toddler sized fist?

I laughed and ran to grab my camera!

 

DUH! What else would there have been to do?

 

Not long after the coffee cake incident, when Baby Marshall was just about to turn two, all of his other sibs were off at school for the morning. He and I were home alone, and I must have been in the other room for a little too long. When I returned to the kitchen, I found him sitting at our dining table, doing this...

 

  

I don't know what it is about my baby boys that makes them feel the need to sneak sweets, but obviously, I reached for my camera again. I am so glad I did, and I have my mom to thank for that foresight. She always told me to have my camera ready, because we never know when a moment will hit us that's worth remembering. 

 

Since that day, when I found Marshall eating just one bite out of at least seven powdered and chocolate Donettes, we began to refer to Marshall as Sneaky Baby. He became quite adept at finding treats when no one was watching him. I once caught him eating from a tray of Christmas candy that he pulled to the floor.

 

I suppose these shenanigans should be expected when you are not the first or even second child in a family. Your mama is busy, harried, frantic, tired. You name it, she feels it, and so being left to your own devices once in a while might lead to mischief.   

 

I'm as guilty as the next modern mom of not printing enough of my digital pictures. I don't do scrapbooks. I've already told you about the Dwindling Baby Books around here. I have learned to let go of the guilt that surrounds it, but I am definitely glad that I do indeed have some photos stored somewhere, easily accessible with the click of a button! I had such a blissful time reminiscing tonight, giggling to myself while I looked through these pictures, seeing the bits of nonsense my four hilarious kiddos have caused over the years.

 

Goofy poses, faces covered in my mascara (Chip did that to himself once), throwing leaves, juggling apples, years worth of Halloween costumes, showing off their bloody gums from missing teeth. I loved seeing them all!

 

So, although I don't have a beautifully staged photo of my Banana Brunch Coffee Cake, I still want to share the picture I do have with you. It's the picture that documents the time Chip ripped half of the cake out with his hand and shoved it in his mouth. It's a memory I love.

 

This cake is actually one of the recipes that family and guests request from me very often. It is moist and perfectly sweet from the bananas, but the added spice of cinnamon and nutmeg on top really makes it into something special. It's simple because it begins with a cake mix, so there's very little measuring to do, and we all tend to have leftover bananas lying around the kitchen. Please let me know if you try it.

 

 

Banana Brunch Coffee Cake

 

Ingredients

 

1 c. mashed ripe bananas

1 pkg. yellow cake mix

1 small box instant vanilla pudding

4 eggs

1/2 c. veg. oil

1 tsp. vanilla

1/3 c. brown sugar

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. nutmeg

 

Instructions:

 

1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Grease and flour a 9x13 inch baking pan.

 

2. Combine bananas, cake mix, pudding mix, eggs, oil, and vanilla in a large mixing bowl. Mix well at medium speed for 8 minutes, scraping side of bowl occasionally.

3. In a smaller bowl, mix the brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg.

4. When the batter is finished mixing, pour it into the prepared pan. Sprinkle about half of brown sugar mixture on top and swirl slightly into batter with a butter knife, making figure eights. Sprinkle the remaining mixture on top and bake until toothpick comes clean. 

 

Helpful Tips: Start with baking for 30 minutes and go up to 45.  A lot of times, I divide it all into two square pans, so then the time is less. Keep an eye on it or add foil if the top is browning too quickly.

 

I also really love to make this recipe into muffins. I use cupcake liners and sprinkle the topping over the batter. I use a toothpick to lightly swirl it together.

 

 *Recipe is adapted from Favorite Brand Name Baking, 2002 

 

Have you ever thought to take a picture of your kid when he's wreaking havoc on your house or your schedule or your life? I promise, if you try it, you'll be able to laugh about it later!

 

 

My Key to Making Connections

Over our many moves, I've somehow invented a persona for myself as the "Welcome to this Group Lady." I tend to join an organization and then implement my human welcome wagon. It's sort of my thing. My friend likes to call me a "Bringer Togetherer." (Please read that term with air quotes). It's what I do. I don't remember when I started to feel this urge to bring people together, but it is now innately a part of my entire being, and I really just cannot help myself.

Not everyone has this natural tendency to embrace the newbies. Not everyone even has an ability or desire to seek out someone who might look a little lonely or lost or in need of a warm welcome. Somehow, I do have this tendency, ability and desire. I once heard the term, gift of hospitality. I suppose I might possess this gift, if it does in fact exist.

I have tried to use this gift of mine to reach out to people who are new to motherhood, in town, church, school, an organization, the country, whatever! People often ask me what my secret is to connecting with these fresh new faces and helping them feel at ease in their new or unfamiliar environments.

I would say that the number one key to making connections with new people is...

to SMILE!

It's the easiest way to lessen the stress of any new or difficult situation. It's the simplest way to let another person know that you see them and are open to having a conversation, answering their questions or holding their baby while their toddler darts down the hallway.

A smile really can go such an incredibly long way.

Have you ever walked into the library carrying a baby, diaper bag, and a really loud three-year-old who still doesn't understand what you mean when you say, "Whisperrrrr?" Did anybody give you a friendly smile during this common fiasco of motherhood, or did you receive the stink eye from a library patron who wished your kids would just Shush?

Do you remember the first time you took your children to their new school? Did people smile at you when they walked by or when you came through the door, or did you feel invisible through the halls and as if everyone already knew each other?

I can remember many of my experiences in places that were not so positive. If I hadn't been the outgoing, in-your-face type of person that I am, I might have slumped away from ever going back or trying to put myself out there again. Instead, I've simply embedded those negative encounters in my brain and used them to benefit others who will be in similar situations in the future.

Obviously, not every person is meant to be the Welcome Lady. Your husbands would probably prefer that you are not. (Mark asked me this morning to please stop signing up for everything, as I was waking up before dawn to prepare for a welcome event at school).

We all have different personalities and different gifts.

However, I am quite confident that most of us are capable of making that aesthetically pleasing facial expression known as a smile.

Please, try it. We never know who we can touch and who needs our kindness today. You might make a new friend in the process!

 

 

Do you consider yourself to be a Bringer Togetherer or a person who likes for people to reach out to you? Can you tell us about an experience you had when you felt especially welcomed or especially unwelcomed somewhere? How has that shaped how you reach out to or shy away from others?

 

 

 

 

 

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

Here I am, the Real Me

We all have many faces, right?

Mom face, wife face, school parent face, friend face, daughter face, employee face, Facebook face?

Everybody's talking about how unrealistic people's lives appear on social media. I'm going to say Facebook, since that's the outlet I use the most. We read about and are naturally aware that people tend to post the most flattering pictures, the happiest moments, the most cherished memories.

Family vacations which spark the biggest dose of envy.

Family portrait sessions on the beach making us doubt our own abilities to choose coordinating outfits for our boring old sitting at Sears.

Family dinner updates that send us into a spiral of guilt knowing that we fed our kids chicken nuggets for the third time this week. How did your kid willingly eat kale and quinoa?

I do believe I'm a pretty good parent, and so is Mark, yet I still feel all these pressures. For quite a while over the past couple of years, I spent my fair share of time scrolling through my Facebook feed and questioning my parenting abilities. Questioning myself. Questioning my gifts.

I'm going to share something with you. It is a picture that someone took of me and then posted to our school's PTA page over the weekend. It was taken during our annual Fun Run a couple of nights ago. When I first saw it, I was a little embarrassed at how silly I looked, so I planned to delete it. Then, I took a second glance at it, and here's why I didn't:

Our entire school comes together to celebrate raising boo koo bucks for our PTA. The kids collect pledges with a promise to run with their classmates at this event, called The Fun Run. We have live music and hundreds of kids with endless energy bounding around the track, dressed in a collection of rainbow colored t-shirts. School spirit is contagious, as the P.E. teacher, who walks on water, leads the kids in an evening of fitness fun. Parents visit with one another, teachers give high-fives, and the school mascot even makes an appearance.

What does all of this have to do with my picture? Well, the woman who snapped the photo was just standing at one point in the track, hoping to grab shots of as many kids and families running by as she could. She planned to share them on our Facebook page for everyone who didn't have a camera ready. Brilliant. I know what I was doing during the exact moment that I walked past her. Exactly.

Do I look happy or what? Excited? Ecstatic even? Yep! I had just stepped off the stage area and then was surprised to see my very dear friend and her husband on the sidelines. That's why I was waving with that goofy grin on my face. (If you know me and see me out in public, you can be sure I'll smile and yell and wave at you)! Next, I ran over to greet my friend and her husband. A moment later was when I learned that the little baby nestled inside my friend's expectant belly is going to be a boy! Hugs and squeals and jumping up and down followed. We already knew their family was growing, and now we knew how: big sister, baby brother, mama, and papa.

The rest of the night was filled with many more moments. Some were triumphs. Some were tumbles. I caught many of them with my own camera, but, of course, I'm not in any of those photos. I'm thankful to this other school mom who happened to catch me off guard at a second that solidifies who I am in my community, my school and most importantly, my family.

Would I have ever shared this picture on Facebook if it had been taken by Mark? Absolutely not. Why am I sharing it with you? Because it shows you who I am, and for anybody who doesn't know me in real, real life, I want you to see me.

• I'm a busy PTA* mom in my thirties who has given birth to four kids.
• That's my body in jeans, which is pretty much what I wear every day.  
• I am excited for school events and pour my heart and soul into making school a special place for our kids and their families.
• My friends are important to me, and I want them to know it.
• I still use my old-school digital camera (see that fancy case around my neck)?
• Spending time outside on a gorgeous Fall evening (notice those beautiful trees behind me) with my kids and Mark (who were running around somewhere) was my idea of one fantastic Friday night! 

People have accused me of being a perfect mom...a super mom...the best mom. I can assure you that I am none of the above. I'm just a mom like everyone else, trying my best to make it all come together so everybody survives.

While I was busy working on Fun Run all week, my house was a disaster. I made a hot, well-prepared dinner on one of the nights...I think. Dishes piled up again. Laundry...of course it wasn't done. I don't need to tell you. You know how it goes.

I'll play catch up this week. In the meantime, Trixie decided to save this photo as my desktop background! I guess it will serve as my little reminder every time I sit down to write or email for PTA that even though some things (the house) fall apart when we're busy being multi-tasking moms, others come together just right. It'll be a reminder of the gifts I bring to my family.

Have you ever seen someone capture your gifts on camera? Were you surprised at how you look when you were in your element? Even if you've never seen it on camera, tell me about what your gifts are. I know you have them!

*I should tell you that I had not been super involved in PTA (Parent Teacher Association) until last year. I had always volunteered for events here and there when I could, but having babies at home made it difficult for me to make any regular commitments. For our family, the time did eventually come for me to step up and help lead our group. If you don't have a lot of time yet to be a school parent, it's okay. Some schools have easy tasks you can do from home. I encourage you to contact your school's parent association and ask for ways to be involved. You and your children will not regret it.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins

I'm happy to share with you another one of my favorite Fall recipes. It's a simple pumpkin muffin that uses only one bowl and calls for my favorite ingredient to add some extra sweetness: chocolate! These muffins are always a hit for playgroup brunches and with the elementary teachers for PTA breakfasts. I hope you'll enjoy them as much as we do. I'm warning you, they won't last long!

 

Trixie's Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins 

Ingredients:

 4 eggs

2 c. sugar

1- 16 ounce can of pumpkin puree

1 1/2 c. melted butter or vegetable oil

3 c. flour

2 tsp. baking soda

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. pumpkin pie spice (or plain cinnamon is fine, too)

1 tsp. salt

2 c. chocolate chips

 

Instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

2. In a large bowl, mix the eggs, sugar, pumpkin, and butter.

3. Add all of the dry ingredients into the bowl and mix until combined, but not until all of the lumps are gone.

4. Gently fold in the chocolate chips.

5. Fill the muffin tins that have been lined with cupcakes wrappers and bake at 375 for 16-20 minutes.

6. This recipe makes at least two dozen muffins, so it can easily be halved.

Helpful Tip: You can bake this recipe in two loaves pans to make pumpkin breads, which freeze really well.

 

 

Our Days Together are Numbered

On a typical Thursday, after the big kids head off to school, I would sit at my desk to write, with a cup of coffee, of course. That means that Marshall plays with his toys alone while he waits for me to finish. I can be pretty quick on most days, but on others, I write and read and re-read and re-write until I'm sure my story is exactly right. (Is that perfectionism? I guess today's post is a lesson in that, too).

Since many of my readers felt so impacted by my last post: Failure: I'm Over it and Going to Yoga, I've decided that this Thursday, I'm going to write a short post and relax with Marshall all morning. We have had such a hectic week, and when I took him out to lunch with me on Tuesday, I realized something.

I realized that our days together are numbered. The days when just the two of us sit together at our favorite café or the bagel shop or McDonald's, while all of his big sibs are off doing their school thing, are not going to last forever. It made me so incredibly sad.

Marshall's still only four. His birthday is not for a few more months, but while we were eating lunch, he performed a little trick in which he attempted to speed up time. He dipped a French fry in ketchup. Then, he turned it upside down and back into the ketchup, so that the first ketchup-y side would be sticking up into the air.

He was pretending it was a fiery birthday candle, and he said, "Mom, I'm five now! It's my birthday, and I'm five!" He wanted me to sing to him and agree that he was five for the rest of the day.

That's when it all hit me. He is almost five. Five means Kindergarten. He's going to leave the comforts of our stay-at-home-days very soon. Then, he'll be one of the big kids, too.

I've been taking him to the elementary school with me this week for some events I've been coordinating. Many of the teachers thought he was a kindergartener or first grader, and they kept asking him, "Where are you supposed to be?" Have I ever mentioned that he's a giant? So tall, that kid! Except he didn't belong in that big school. He was overwhelmed and crying most of the time.

So, for this Thursday, while it's still very early in the morning, I'm telling you that I plan to spend all of today's fleeting time with my giant four-year-old who wishes he was five.

 

 

Thank you, as always, for reading and sharing and coming back for more. What are you going to do with your babies who wish they were bigger today? What about the big kids who you wish were smaller?

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

Failure-I'm Over It and Going to Yoga!

Can you think back to the last time that you tried to do something new or different or completely out of your comfort zone? Something that you knew eventually would be positive and wonderful, but just taking that first step was a little terrifying?

For me, last night, I leapt into something new. It took courage for me, and strength, but with the encouragement of some incredibly inspiring women, I was able to do it. I would love to share it with you, because you may be having some doubts about something in your own life. You may be feeling an itch to learn a new art form or change career paths or maybe have another baby! Maybe you just need that little push from someone to let you know it will be alright. We are all scared sometimes. Nobody is great at everything. Even those people who seem to be perfect on the outside really are not. If you're lucky enough to be let into their world, to know the real them, you'll see that most people around us have these kinds of feelings, too.

My new, yet previously terrifying, experience is yoga. I've only gone once, so I promise I'm not going to change my blog to be about exercise or being a perfectly balanced mother. I still love my chocolate and this place will always be crazy! This post is really about my fear of failure and how I was able to knock it down a notch last night! I'm constantly encouraging my kids, my friends, my mom and everyone else I know, but I'm always the last on the list to receive any of my own cheers. Aren't we all? That's just the nature of motherhood: take care of everyone else first. Our time will come when the kids are grown, right?

My journey to trying yoga has been about my health. My migraines and the stress my body carries have reached a point where my doctor told me, "Just take time away from your kids every day, and you'll be fine. They are the reason for all of your troubles."

Totally a cop-out diagnosis and totally not realistic!

Like most moms, I spend time away from my kids as much as finances, reason, and emotions will allow. In the meantime, I have been trying medication, chiropractic, and physical therapy for my headaches. Over the past month, the idea of attempting yoga slowly started to creep into my head. I see so many of my friends who share beautiful photos of themselves in yoga poses.

Incredible.

 

Inspiring.

 

Impossible?

You know what I mean. Who can really do those poses? Pregnant headstands in the morning. Hot mama of four making it look so easy on the beach. Obviously, people can do them, and these are women I am proud to call my friends.

 

 

I used to be as flexible as these women. If they learned to move their bodies into such amazing positions after motherhood, then I could at least go to a class to learn to breathe and bend a little, right?

Once the idea of yoga popped into my head, I asked a few of my good friends in town about their experiences with yoga. They all offered to go with me if I tried it! I mentioned it briefly to my physical therapist that I was considering it. He freaking ran with it. As soon as I said it out loud to him, I was committed. There was no turning back after the words came out of my mouth. Accountability. He was going to be asking me about it again, and he even taught me one pose before my first class. Within a matter of days, I had my plan for yoga.

Day, time, place, instructor.

I borrowed a pretty purple mat from one friend. Another friend was going to meet me there for moral support.

I was still scared out of my mind.

I emailed the instructor, letting her know I was coming for the first time. This is a snippet of what I told her:

I've never done this in my life, and I'm pretty nervous to try something new in front of other people! I don't normally expose myself for failure, so it's a big step for me. I'm really looking forward to this new journey for my health and myself, because I'm a very busy mom of four kids.

 

She responded with the most amazing message and offered to meet with me twenty minutes before class started. When I arrived, she greeted me with a warm embrace. She talked to me about her own fears of failure, and what aspects of her life she wished she could do better. Hers was cooking. She said she always wished she could be better at cooking or even learn to enjoy it a little, but she just hasn't been able to...yet. Then, she asked if I liked to cook.  

 

Talk about the right question for me. She could have asked me if I liked to sew or garden or run...all no. But she asked me about cooking. So, yes, I do love cooking. I don't know anything about yoga yet, but I can cook.

 

She let me in on a little secret, that even though she was a yoga instructor (and would blow my mind in the next seventy-five minutes), she, too, has areas of her life that are not perfect. Whew!

 

So, yoga.

 

I did it. It was hard. It was fun. It was refreshing and rejuvenating. Some of the poses were easy for me, some were a challenge, and some I just didn't figure out yet.

 

It was only my first day.

 

Nobody cared what I was doing or what I looked like or if I stumbled.

 

I didn't fail because I went. That was my first step.

 

I am going back next week.

 

I would love to extend a special thank you to the women in my life who have inspired me through this new journey: Cathy, Renee, Anne, Elizabeth, and especially Jen and Meghan, who are featured in these breathtaking photographs.

 

Tell me, do you have something you've been considering, but you are just too afraid to try it? Why not bite the bullet and do it? I'll be here to encourage you!

Perfect Fall Apple Crisp

Today has been one of those cold, rainy, yucky October days that are typical for us in our Midwestern town. Mark has coached Chip through countless wet soccer games over the years, but today set a new record with hail coming down on them! Lucky for me, I was warm and dry inside the aquatic center with Marshall, while we watched Reese and Trixie glide through the water for their swim practice. Saturdays are our split-up days, but now, we are finally back together under one roof.

The moist gloom is still present outside, the leaves have really begun to descend to the ground, and the acorns are still constantly dropping from our oak trees. I'm sure you can guess what I'm doing today to warm us up and make our home smell extra sweet and inviting.

Baking!

Today's dessert is my favorite apple crisp, made with the fresh apples Marshall and I plucked from the orchard during his preschool field trip this week. I have been baking this crisp since I received my copy of The Big Red Cookbook from Betty Crocker at my wedding shower fourteen years ago. It's a family favorite, and I'd love to share it with you. 

Perfect Fall Apple Crisp*



Ingredients:
4-6 cups apples, peeled and sliced (I love Golden Delicious)
3/4 c. packed brown sugar
1/2 c. flour
1/2 c. oats (quick or old-fashioned)
3/4 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 tsp. nutmeg
1/3 c. margarine or butter, chopped into pieces

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Grease the bottom and sides of a 7x11 inch glass pan.

2. Spread the apples in the pan.

3. Combine the dry ingredients in a medium bowl. With a pastry cutter, cut in the butter until crumbly.

4. Sprinkle the oat mixture evenly over the apples. Bake for 30-45 minutes until apples are tender. You can test it to see if a toothpick will easily go through the apples. Topping the crisp with foil will prevent it from browning.

Helpful Tip: This crisp is delicious served warm with ice cream or the next day for breakfast with some hot cider on the side.

*Adapted from The Big Red Cookbook from Betty Crocker

Do you have a favorite fall dessert?

 

 

 

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My Messy Mom-Car, the Junk Bus, and My Wake-up Call

When our youngest son was a little baby, I stumbled across something online which perfectly described my mom-car. The term was junk bus. Hilarious, right? Aside from the human children, I often tote around a bus full of junk. All of my kids are now very capable of taking their trash out of the car and throwing it away in the house. However, every few weeks, we need to have a family clean-out, where we uncover at least two grocery bags full of pure garbage from my car. 

Before I had children of my own, I secretly judged my older brother for allowing his mini-van to be such a mess. I mean, geez, how hard could it have been to throw out their French fry wrappers?  Sorry J and C. I now see just how hard it is.

Now, after nearly twelve years of motherhood, I am ashamed at what drive-thru workers and neighbors must think about the way I keep this car. Strangely, every mom I know with young children also drives a junk bus. If you do have a tidy car, please share how you manage it, because I am open to suggestions! 

Mark's cool dad-car stays insanely clean, because he is usually the only person in it. It doesn't even have enough space for all six of us...convenient, huh? He cannot comprehend how my car can be so disgusting. My passenger seat is always full of so much stuff, that sometimes, it even triggers the airbag sensor.   

One week over the summer, Mark's parents needed to trade cars with me so they could take the kids on some fun outings.  Before driving to their house, I was not aware of their plan to switch our rides. I am used to driving in our mess.  My very neat mother and father-in-law are not. I refused to hand over the keys until we cleaned up that traveling collection of filth.  

We filled up our usual two bags of garbage, and I used Clorox wipes to scrub the sticky, crusty barbeque sauce that Trixie had spilled in her cup holder. Next, I disinfected the steering wheel and any other handles that the grandparents would be touching. I wiped the foot prints from the seats that my little darlings kick during all road trips that last longer than 30 seconds. Reese shook out the removable floor mats, sending Goldfish crumbs flying across the driveway.

I apologized for the mess and happily drove off in Grandpa's very clean car. It was eerily quiet without my four chatter boxes behind me, but I could play the radio as loudly as I wanted. When I returned two days later to take the kids back with me, I noticed that my car had been vacuumed! It was so sweet of Grandpa to finish my half-done cleaning job. Was it because he could not stand being so close to all that dirt or because he knew I could really use that added bit of help? Either way, I thanked him and told him how appreciative I was.

We had our junk bus back from Grandpa for less than a week, and we were already up to one bag of trash. Gradually, items again began to accumulate: socks, sunscreen, library books, goggles, crayons, straw wrappers, sucker sticks, extra jackets, receipts...just junk!

Mark had given me a coupon to "make my car smell and shine like new" for Mother's Day, and he finally had a chance to make it happen before school started. It took him hours to clean every nook and cranny of my junk bus, but he did it. He did it, and we all promised to keep it clean, so that his hard work would not have been wasted. School has been in session for about a month now, so, how do you think we're doing?

Not so great.

The bus is becoming junky again.

This afternoon, in between errands, I had a few seconds to stop at McDonald's for a Dr. Pepper.  While I waited in the drive-thru, I looked at my passenger seat, which was covered with school papers, half-eaten granola bars and other junk. I felt ashamed, quickly tried to clean it up a bit, but then I didn't worry too much else about it. I was able to sit comfortably in my car while I waited for a friendly employee to hand me a cup of my favorite icy-cold fountain drink.

What a life. Stopping at a drive-thru is something I can do any time I want, and my only worry is whether or not the worker will judge how messy my car is?

As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot, I saw another mom like me, who also had a cute four-year-old little boy. Except they weren't really like us. They weren't warm and cozy inside their nice car, zipping around town from place to place, grabbing Mickey D's and then deciding whether or not to take out the trash. They were standing alongside a very busy road, waiting for the public bus to give them a ride.

Punch. Me. In. The. Gut.

Please.

I have seen all types of people waiting at our city's public bus stops, but I had never seen a child standing at one. Ever.  How could we be so spoiled?

Seeing that mom and son having to wait for a ride to go somewhere that we take for granted every day (like the doctor or the pharmacy or the library), made me realize that I really need to take better care of my this mom-car of mine and stop treating it like a junk bus. I should appreciate how blessed I am to have this highly functioning, warm in the Winter, cool in the Summer, dry in the rain, plenty-big-enough-for-all-of-my-kids-and-their-friends, mom-car.


Do you drive a junk bus, too? Tell me some funny stories about it! Then, will you join me in the challenge to clean up our mom-cars?

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo