They make it seem so simple.
They repeat it over and over and over.
"No, no, no, no, no!"
They say it day in and day out, morning and night, forcing us to resort to begging and bribery, just so we can buckle their highchairs or slip their icky, sticky bodies in the tub.
If a baby could say it, why couldn't I?
I used to wonder why I never had time for anything I wanted to do. I realized it was because I was always saying yes to everything anyone asked of me. Sometimes I was saying yes to things that interested me, and sometimes it was just because I felt guilty saying no. I liked to please other people, and I liked for people to find me valuable. Don't we all? I had been that way since I was young. A couple of years ago, a very intuitive person helped me to realize my struggle.
Apparently, it is very common for many women to always want to say "Yes."
Who knew?
This wise woman challenged me to say "No" to everything that was asked of me for an entire month. I shrieked at the thought. An entire month of not helping anybody with her children? A whole 31 days of refusing to make baked goods for an event?
Hey, lady, those are my specialties. What will I ever do with my time? What will my friends think of me if I don't lend a hand when they ask?
I actually found myself hoping nobody would call or email me so I wouldn't have to face my challenge. Of course that didn't happen. People still asked me for favors, and I had to force myself to say no. I sort of trembled a little bit the first few times. It really was hard for me. I didn't make up excuses though, I just said, "I'm sorry, but I can't this time."
Do you know what happened? Everyone survived. The world still revolved. Most importantly, I had more time for my family and myself. I was less busy. I was less stressed. I spent less time telling my children that I had something else to do and more time doing what we love, like playing puzzles on the floor.
Honestly, I will tell you that when the 31 days were over, I did give myself permission to say yes to people again. Now, about three years later, I am more mindful that I don't need to say yes to everything. I have become much more adept at telling people no when I should. The truth is, I really enjoy helping friends, baking for events, and participating in committees. I would not be a complete person without those elements of my life. I have learned that I need to find the right balance in how to manage it all. It's a work in progress I should say.
Are you like me and always saying yes, even when you really should say no. Do you wish you had more time to yourself and for your family, but your outside commitments are interfering? How about starting your own Month of Saying No tonight? I urge you to try it! You will be amazed at how liberating it feels. Let me know how it goes.
Disclaimer: I do not recommend using the Month of Saying No on your spouse.
I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
I had such a huge response to this post from my friends. I knew you were all just like me! It's time to take back our time.
ReplyDeleteI was a little nervous to put it out there the night before I needed to ask for volunteers for a PTA function, and it cracked me up when one of my friends mentioned it. She said, "I know you just told me to start saying 'no', but I'm going to say 'yes' to this event because I believe in it." People are awesome!