How Rough Housing is Saving My Kid

If there's one thing we learn as parents, it's that every child is different. No matter how much we think we can prepare for number two or three based on what worked for our family in the past, the truth is, it's all a crapshoot. We can attempt to use the same methods for potty training, handling tantrums, or teaching our kiddos to read, but we will probably still end up trying something new for everybody. Children have many separate needs: physical, emotional and intellectual, so veteran parents try to react accordingly and keep those differences in mind. We even know that children have varying degrees of sensory needs, which also require a blend of parenting methods.

Last Fall, I composed a three part series on Sensory Processing Disorder. It's an optimal place for you to find ideas, tips and even commiseration if you parent, teach or simply know a child who struggles with sensory processing. Today, I'm here to tell you that through months of observation since writing that piece, I have noticed more positive changes and bounding growth in our son. We've learned to adapt once again, like adding a bowling pin to the mix of balls we've been juggling throughout this circus of parenting.

While I still recommend everything I suggested in Part 3, we have discovered something more. It's not because we are currently spending money on extensive therapy: occupational, behavioral or otherwise. It is not because we have sought out assistance from his school system for services. It is not because we have been diligent about practicing his "heavy work" home therapy. It is not because I have suddenly become an expert SPD mother, creating intricate routines or systems that allow him to thrive.

It's so much simpler than any of that, and it kind of happened by chance.

Plus, here's the big bonus: it's free!

It is because he is being allowed to engage in loud, physical play with his younger brother.

Our kids' age gaps and their personality differences haven't created an ideal environment for rough housing or horse play. Chip's big siblings aren't really those kinds of kids. They enjoy reading and art, board games and puzzles, bike riding and scooters. Physical contact with one another just isn't in their repertoire for fun. While Chip always craved that kind of attention and play, unfortunately, he didn't have anyone to fully engage in it with him. Until recently, his "baby brother" would have been hurt by such roughness.

So, our third child sought out other avenues to calm his senses. A lot of yelling and crying was a result of his confused system. We tried expensive therapies that did help, but during the school year, it was difficult to manage appointments. Outdoor play on a trampoline was fantastic, but since it's freezing here for so many months of the year, it's just wasn't feasible.

Then suddenly, just about the time that Marshall began to catch up to Chip in size and strength, I began to see a difference in his daily moods. Our home was calmer.

Ironic, right?

We had kids bouncing off each other, laying on top of one another, pushing and pulling and tugging and smashing, all while laughing and making noise like crazy, yet our home was calmer. How is that possible?

Our sensitive guy was finally finding the outlets his body needed. He finally had someone to play rough with him. They're not hurting each other (most of the time). Accidents happen, but they're no more common than someone falling from a swing set or flying off the merry-go-round at the park. I'm actually seeing the benefits that this horse play is having on both of our little boys.

If you're parenting a child whose sensory system needs regular tweaking and stimulation, would you think about encouraging some rough play--in the house?

I know it sounds bonkers, but it might just be life changing for you. When winter is long, everyone can be on edge, and permitting this type of nuttiness in our house really did help. Of course, there were times when we wanted to beg our kids to be quiet...stop jumping up and down...leave each other alone.

Those were the times I reminded myself to let the kids be kids and be thankful that we have a playroom...in the basement...with a door.

Do you ever let your kids play rough? If the child doesn't have siblings to engage in the play, do you step up to the plate? We're getting in on the action now, too, but I'm wondering what kind of difference we could have made if we'd thought of it years ago.

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