I can't figure out why we are all so hard-wired to dismiss the positive comments which are directed at us. It disturbs me how a woman will instinctively react when someone tries to tell her that she has something brag worthy happening.
Tell a woman that you love the outfit she's wearing, and she'll tell you she found it on clearance.
Tell a woman how delicious her caramel brownies are, and she'll confess that she made them with a mix.
Tell a woman you're impressed how well-behaved her children are in a restaurant, and she'll blab about how rowdy they were during the car ride.
Tell a woman that her home is gorgeous, and she'll admit that someone helps her clean it once a week.
These denials happen when we attempt to recognize someone's visible accolades. Complimenting a woman's intrinsic traits is even more difficult. Think about the last time that you tried to compliment a friend of yours on her character. Her kindness. Her strength. Her ability to give without question. The obvious impact that you know she is making on her children...her circle...on you.
Did she instantly smile and say thank you?
Probably not.
I'm going to describe what could be a typical conversation between two women friends, anywhere in the world:
Friend 1: "I've been thinking about how grateful we all are to have you leading our group. You really have made it into something awesome."
Friend 2: "Nah. It's not because of me," while shaking her head.
Friend 1: "I'm serious. It just wasn't like this before you came along."
Friend 2: "Well, I think anyone could have done it. I really didn't do anything special."
Friend 1: "Listen to me, I know what makes a difference and what doesn't, and I have seen it through you."
Friend 2: "I don't think so. I'm not capable of making that kind of difference."
Friend 1: "I'm not just talking to hear myself talk. I mean what I say. I want you to hear me. You are awesome!" as she grabs her friend by the shoulders and shakes her a little.
Friend 2: "It's so hard for me to hear you say all that about me. I don't do any of it for the compliments. Stop it!"
Friend 1: "I know you don't, but it doesn't take away from the fact that you deserve to be praised. Now, just say thank you so we can order some cheesecake and be done with this nonsense."
Friend 2: "Okay, fine. Thank you. Now what kind should we order?"
I cannot think of the last time that I complimented a fellow lady who actually just accepted what I was saying as truth. Why do women feel the need to downplay their awesomeness? Where did you learn that it's not okay to recognize your greatness? That you shouldn't let others boast about you?
It's a new month. March is here, which means Spring should be coming! Would you do something for yourself as the days grow longer and the sunlight lingers a little bit more into your dinner time? Would you march forward, confident in knowing that it's okay to accept a compliment when someone gives it to you? I know very few people who give out false praise, so when affirmative words come at you, please listen to them. Breathe them in. Hold them in your chest for as long as you can. Remember them when you're doubting yourself again. Swaddle those compliments like you would a newborn baby, cradling them inside of you for when the doubting moments try to creep back inside your delicate blanket...your self esteem as a woman.
Your children and grandchildren are watching you. Your students are watching you. Your little sisters and nieces are watching you. I'm sure someone has gifted you a coffee mug that says you are The World's Greatest Mom/Grandma/Sister/Friend/Aunt/Teacher. It's time for you to start believing it!
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