He did manage to ready himself for the day, thanks to finally being allowed to wear his new Minecraft superhero t-shirt. Buckled into his car seat, he was still determined to ditch school. As we were finally traveling the familiar road to his charming little school, he began to give me a final excuse of why he didn't want to go.
"Mom, school's boring! We never do anything fun there!"
I know that his preschool is not boring, so I made one last ditch effort to pump him up with how great it was going to be this year.
I explained to Marshall how much fun preschool would be this year because he was much older and bigger than he was last year. He and the other kids would be able to play more games, learn new songs, hear other stories, make cooler crafts, and most importantly, pour their own snacks and drinks. Only big kids are allowed to fix their own snacks and drinks!
Last year, he was with three-year-olds, but this year, he's in the big kid class, and he'll really see how fun it is to be a big kid. We talked all the way to school about what makes four-school different from three-school...now known as, "when he was little." He sounded most interested in the snack and drink.
We arrived at school about five minutes after the doors opened, which happened to work out just perfectly for us. It was such a great idea to come in the building after the hustle and bustle was done, when all the parents and little sibs were long gone. (I'll pretend like I planned it that way, when in all honesty, I was just running a little late).
Marshall had ample space to find his cubby and nametag. He took his time looking around the coatroom before peeking his head into the class, where all the little buddies he hadn't seen since June were already in the zone. I stopped for just a second to say hi to another mom who was filling out some paperwork, and the next thing I knew, Marshall was gone.
Not gone out the front door, as he had done when he was little, but gone, all by himself, into the classroom. He was sitting quietly at a table, playing toys with his friend, acting as though it had only been three days since they had last seen each other; not three months.
My little, anxious boy didn't even say good-bye to me. He felt so right at home in his cozy school, where thankfully, his teachers truly do make it feel like home. I wasn't worried anymore that he would cry when I left. I wasn't worried about anything. I did manage to snap one picture while he was playing at the table. I didn't have any other first day of school pictures of him; none of him standing and smiling, raring to go. It wasn't important to have that pose. By the fourth child, I've learned what matters and what doesn't. What was important was for him to feel safe for me to leave him. He felt safe, and I knew it.
As he played, I talked with the moms for a few more minutes, and then strangely, I found myself not wanting to leave. I had been looking forward to my child-free coffee date with my best friend for the past three months, but I just couldn't quite walk out the door. Marshall didn't need me there. In crept those familiar mothering feelings of happy for him, sad for myself.
Obviously, I shook myself out of that temporary haze, and I did leave. K and I chatted peacefully over coffee and bagels, and when I ran into a neighbor of mine, she was surprised to see that all of my kids were in school. I sort of was, too. I had to think about it for a second.
"Wait, where are my kids? Oh yeah, I do have exactly 2.5 hours to myself today!"
After the long-awaited alone time was over, I was really excited to find Marshall, give him a hug and take him back home with me. He told me that he wasn't ready to go yet. What a relief and total change from the morning. As his mom, I knew he was going to have a wonderful time, but he was just having nervous feelings about the unknown. I feel that way, too, as most anyone does in a new situation.
Eventually, after I pried him away from his friends and the excitement of having sand in the playhouse, guess what he told me was the best part of his day?
Pouring his own snack and drink.
I've learned so much as a mom of preschoolers. This year will be my final experience taking a child to preschool. As I reflect on what we have been through over the years, this is what I know:
Each child has handled preschool differently, and I have learned that we have had to adapt our parenting of them during these years.
Some of our kids started younger than others; some went in the mornings, and some in the afternoons. Until this last one, I always had other kids or babies in tow, which made the experience that much more stressful for everyone.
I won't pretend like my kids all eased into preschool. I would watch some young children just walk right in and never look back, while mine were paralyzed by anxiety. One of ours threw up every single day the first time he started preschool, so eventually, we pulled him out and waited a lot longer before starting school again. One of them waited outside of the morning circle, unable to bring herself to join the group for at least the first semester. One of them refused to wear his nametag or let his hands touch paint for the whole first year. Then, there's the one who I thought was handling the adjustment really well until about Christmas, when he started crying and bolting for the door every time I tried to leave.
Now I'm the mom at preschool with just one kid who walked right in on his own. Maybe other moms will look at us and wonder how it's so easy for us. How lucky I am not to have a toddler in one hand and a baby carrier in the other. I have been there. I do know. I feel the pain for any parent going through school anxiety, at any stage. Marshall may cry on Friday, who knows! I can only smile and offer encouragement to those in this truly trying stage of parenting.
If you're a parent considering preschool options and feeling pressure to choose what your friends are doing or what you did for your other children, please know that we have all felt those pressures. I would encourage you to just take time to think it over, talk it over, and let it play out. Don't be afraid to change your mind. No two children have the same needs, even in the same family. Family changes, like adding a new baby or moving, always make waves, so we as parents have to learn to ride them together. Some children never attend preschool or kindergarten, and being at home is best or easiest for them. Playgroups, story time, and parent outings to farms, music classes, and the grocery store provide plenty of learning and social experiences for many kids.
Best of luck to all of our little ones in school this year. May we all handle the changes with courage and grace. (Tears and snacks are optional).
I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
Would you share with me how your little ones handled adjusting to preschool or any school? How did it affect your life as their parent?
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