Now, we're talking.
Let's dish married-with-kids date nights.
Mark and I have been married for over fourteen years, and we've been
parents for twelve of them. Long gone are the carefree nights of our early
twenties. We try to reminisce about what our life was like before our children were
born. The memories are hazy from sleep deprivation, but we are pretty sure that during those early years together, we were able to hang out with our friends
without making plans weeks in advance. We could see movies on the very night they were
released, and we definitely went out to quiet restaurants at a moment's notice!
Do you remember those days, too?
Fast forward two continents,
four kids and a truck load of diapers later to what our life as a couple is now...a couple as Mom and Dad.
Our time alone can require an extreme amount of planning. Obviously, he's working during the
day, while I'm busy maintaining our bustling home, intricate schedules and
ever-changing kids. Nights are spent navigating the needs of the little people who live here, and we all know how quickly the weekend minutes seem to disappear. Even so, no matter what stage our kids have been in, we have developed a few methods to make room for date nights.
When we abandoned the
comforts of American life in 2005 and moved our two babies to Japan, we became
a fiercely independent family unit. It was during our experience abroad when we
learned the importance of in-home date nights. We would read English bedtime
stories, rock our kiddos to sleep, and then tip toe downstairs for time together. We would share a glass (or bottle) of wine and a bag of microwave
popcorn while watching already outdated American TV through the Internet.
We sat side-by-side,
right in front of the computer desk, in two hard kitchen chairs. It wasn't romantic, but it was all we could manage. It wasn't until
we were forced to go without the conveniences of American life that we
appreciated what made our dates so special…each other.
Now that we have been back
on American soil for several years, welcomed two more children into the mix,
and we are close enough to our families that they can visit, our
date nights are much easier. I'll break down our system for you, and you can
piece together what works for you and your own family.
Rule #1: Have Date Nights at
Home
We all have reasons why we
can't go out of the house to enjoy time away with our loved ones: a brand new baby,
finances, childcare, conflicting work schedules. No matter the reason, it doesn't
have to become an excuse to avoid spending time together. When our kids were much younger, we needed to wait until
they were sleeping to have a date night at home. Now that they're older, we have an awesome new system. We are able
to send them to play in the basement on a Saturday morning, as we share a quiet breakfast and actually enjoy our coffee while it's still hot. We tell the kids, "Mom and Dad are on
a date," and they know not to bug us unless something major happens-like a pencil is protruding from someone's body. They really do listen, we stay in our jammies, and it's free.Rule #2: Find a Trustworthy Babysitter
Whether your babysitter is Grandma or your niece or a neighborhood teenager, every family needs at least one person they can call on when a date night at home just won't cut it. If paying a sitter is really difficult, save the nights you do hire someone for when the entertainment is going to be free, like going to a holiday party in someone's home, an outdoor summer concert, or, the old stand-by: gazing out into the sunset. While we do have some fantastic sitters in town, we also use our moms whenever they're visiting. They see (read: spoil) their grandkids, and we see a movie that isn't animated. Everybody wins.
Rule #3: Try Family Date Night
If you just can't seem to leave those precious wee ones, or the sitter is busy, or you really just want to enjoy a meal with no clean-up, then plan a dinner out that's special for the whole family. Obviously, packing a picnic at the park is the most affordable way to go, but oftentimes, we end up at a restaurant that offers special discount nights for kids. Seasoned moms have lists of these places, categorized by days of the week and prices-all you have to do is ask. I sit close to my husband while the kids color in their menus, and we laugh at how drastically our dates have changed over the years.
Rule #4: Put Down Your Phone
That one is self-explanatory.You have just a few days left to plan for Valentine's Day. Will you be doing anything special? I'm sure we'll be having an in-home date night, as we do every year. We don't even attempt reservations or movies or finding a sitter for that night. We leave that for the young couples.
I'll probably make something special for our family dinner, and then once the kids are snoozing, it'll be time for wine, popcorn and something on the TV. At least these days we can watch American movies and shows from our comfy couch. I'm fine being an old married mom, as long as I have this old married dad here next to me.
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| One of our fancier date nights-going to my cousin's wedding! |
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