Celebrating Holidays without a Village

When reminiscing about our childhood holidays, we may fondly remember piling in our parents' car, driving from house to house to see the extended families of both our mothers and fathers. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day could be packed with festivities, from morning till night, as several generations lived in the same town. A ten minute drive from one grandma's house, to another aunt's house, and back home again, in time to set out a plate of cookies for Santa was typical. Streets were lined with cars, as every house on the block was hosting a family celebration…gathering with their village.

Fast forward to today. Parents are not always living or raising their children in the same situation that was common for Americans in previous years. My generation is the generation which moved away from our hometowns. We graduated from college and joined a global workforce. We live where wide ranges of opportunities exist, and we are eager to explore cultures and experiences, many of which are vastly different from what we had known as children.

My parents still reside in my childhood home, and my grandmother peacefully lives in the only place I have ever known as hers. I cherish that continuity and safety which exists for me. I love that I'm able to look out my parents' back window to gaze at my kids playing with their cousins…the same yard where I played with my cousins and friends and brothers. I appreciate the moments when I walk into my grandma's kitchen, and she offers me butter pecan ice cream, just as she did thirty years ago. I know how special it is to have these places to return to, not only in my memory, but also in real time with my children.

Yet, my husband and I have not created the same experience for our own children. We aren't able to settle down near our parents or siblings. We are the ones who don't live there. Checking calendars weeks in advance and waiting to see how the weather will pan out is always a part of our visits. Though emotionally close, we actually aren't with our village.

We are not the only family living this way. A large portion of our friends are what we call transplants. So many people have moved into this area to work, from a variety of other states and countries.

So, how do we manage this life, without our built-in village living near us? The answer is two-fold:

First, we make sure that our immediate family, the six of us, is strong.

Second, we work to build meaningful relationships with other families with similar values. We are becoming a village for one another.

As the holidays approach, I reflect back on the farthest place we ever lived from our village. For two years, we celebrated Christmas in  Japan. Although we may have missed out on the huge gatherings of cousins and indulging in our favorite American dishes, we received the blessings of something much richer. Our village was full. It busted at the seams with every other family who was missing home and craved to be surrounded by love. Our children played with children they had grown to know like cousins. We ate, drank and were merry with the friends who were living life with us. They weren't our brothers or sisters, but we felt entrusted to them because of our shared experience.
 

As I wish you a Happy Holiday season, I'd like to extend a challenge to my readers. Some of you are surely long-time residents of your town, while others of you are transplants (like me). If you are a lifer with a big heart, why not open up your village a bit to someone you know who needs one? Supporting a neighbor's child by watching him play basketball or attending her choir concert will help build a feeling of community and family. Extending an invite during the holidays will bring joy in ways you may not even be able to imagine.

To my fellow transplants, I know it's hard to move. I know it can be difficult to find or make that new village, especially if you left one behind that already seemed perfect. I know you miss seeing your own family for the holidays. I know! Until you find your village, try searching for a Newcomers Club in your area…and smiling. You will find your people.

Whether you are living in your village, or an ocean away, there's always room for more.

 

Happy Holidays to my people!!

Just a sampling of the village we made during our Japanese days.  

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/

Being a Child's First Valentine-6 Reasons My Dad Was Mine

It's usually around Father's Day when our social media feeds explode with abundant expressions of love that people feel for their dads. It's only fair that fathers receive that recognition during lawn mowing and grilling season, but I'm about to break tradition. I'm about to gush about my dad in the middle of February, because while spending time with my little boys over the weekend, I realized he was my very first Valentine.

Still chilling in our jammies, Marshall, Chip and I were lying, tummies down, on the family room carpet. Armed with red pens and class lists, we surrounded ourselves with dozens of store-bought Batman and Star Wars Valentines. The boys signed their names on the cards meant for classmates and friends, and then they stuffed them in baggies in anticipation of the big party coming up on Friday. My youngest planned to save one of his cards for me. He examined them all, and he carefully chose one that was two inches bigger than all of the others, featuring the forever-wise and wonderful Yoda. I'm sure he didn't choose it for me because he believes I'm as enlightened as Yoda. More likely, it's because I'm tall, so I should have a tall card.

The thought of receiving a Valentine from my small son pulled a vivid memory to the forefront of my mind. A memory of a special surprise dessert I made for my dad when I was a little girl: a chocolate cake shaped like a heart. It was the '80's, so even if heart-shaped cake pans were in existence, my mom had no plan to buy one. We were going to create our own heart cake with what we had at home.

We whipped up a trusty box of devil's food cake-my dad's favorite-and evenly poured the batter into one square cake pan and one round cake pan. Courtesy of Google and Pinterest, people in 2015 know that you can create a heart-shaped cake by cutting a round cake in half and connecting the two halves to the square cake. In the '80's, my mom just knew. I was convinced she was a genius.

To frost the cake, we also made a batch of my mom's famous homemade icing, and I colored it a light shade of pink. She slathered that pink fluffiness all over the chocolaty goodness, and suddenly, we no longer could see any traces of three individual pieces of cake. We had turned those fragmented slices into one giant, seamless, chocolate heart, covered in rich whipped cream icing.

My dad came home from work that Valentine's night to find his big pink heart waiting for him on our kitchen table. He smiled and MMMed through every morsel, as adults often do as they eat something a child has prepared for them. My dad was the best at making me believe whatever I had baked for him was the most incredible piece of anything he had ever eaten in his entire life.

I was so proud of that pink heart cake when I was a young girl. My dad made me feel that I had made something exceptional. These days, heart-shaped cake pans are a dime a dozen, and I've had a few of them over the years. Maybe I should hide mine and encourage the kids to use their brains to make their own dad a special cake for Valentine's Day. He would be proud of their geometry skills for sure.

Though this story is about my own father, I know it may resonate with you as well. For those of you who have sentimental dads like I do, I hope that joyful memories will surface as you think about times spent with your own father. For the men who are reading, my hope is that you can contemplate the ladies and little girls in your life. Are you worthy to be their first or forever Valentine?

We hear it all the time: that we may not appreciate what our parents have done for us until we are our parents ourselves. When we're living through the daily grind as kids, how could we possibly know that what our parents are doing for us will have such significance? Now that I'm a mom and sharing parenthood with Mark, I'm able to see 6 reasons my dad was my first Valentine.

1. When I think of what a man and father should be like, I think of my dad. I grew up in a steel mill town, where everyone's dad worked in one factory or another. Shift work. Overtime. Steel-toed boots and hard hats. Work clothes that can't be washed with the regular laundry. Men taking care of business to take care of their families. No complaining. No whining. Just working hard to make it all work. That was and still is my dad.

2. When I was young, cars didn't have remote locks, and stores didn't have automatic doors. I was let into a building or into our car by my dad's two hands. Even though technology has come a long way to put an end to chivalry, my dad continues to insist on practicing one of my favorite gentlemanly gestures, everywhere we go.

3. My dad was the first person to ever give me flowers. We really didn't make that big of a deal about Valentine's Day, but as my dad would present my mom with flowers and a box of Fannie May Mint Meltaways, he would always have a smaller bouquet waiting for me.

4. When we were on the brink of adolescence, my best friend's father very suddenly passed away. It was the most tragic event imaginable. Up until that point, all of our lives had been completely entwined with one another. It was as if we had two homes, two sets of siblings and two sets of parents. When one father was suddenly lost, my own dad naturally and effortlessly embraced the children in that family. One year later, she and I were attending a summer writing program. It was almost Father's Day, so our teacher asked all of us to write about our dads. She asked my best friend if she could think of another man, someone who loved her as her dad had done, for her story. She decided to write about my dad. Why he was special to her. How he cared for her and her little brother, always taking the bunch of us to the park and out for ice cream. Her incredible story was published in the local newspaper. I was only eleven years old, so I didn't really see the significance or magnitude of everything that was happening through those years. Now that I am a mother, I see it all. I see how my dad viewed that loss and the responsibility to his friend's children. She and I are still best friends, with our own families now, and he has never let that compassion or dedication subside.

5. During all of my cello performances, or at any of the kazillion other activities my brothers and I dabbled in through the years, I knew that if I looked out into the audience or up in the stands, my dad would be there. Even bone-weary from working the midnight shift, his presence was a given...a constant. Now that he's Grandpa to nine grandchildren, he unquestionably watches their games and attends their special performances, too.

6. One of the coolest and most selfless acts my dad has done was forgoing a big 60th birthday bash to celebrate at the McDonald's play land with his grandkids. As his family is what matters most to him, and being with those nutty kiddos makes him so stinkin' happy, he chose to spend his birthday at a place where the kids would be comfortable. They wouldn't need to worry about being bored or staying clean or speaking politely to a bunch of strangers. So, we booked his party at McD's, where he was the oldest birthday "child" they had ever hosted. He played the silly games, wore the special hat, posed for crazy pictures, and in the end, it's a party none of us will ever forget.

Aren't all parents supposed to be a child's first Valentine? The most trusted source of love they'll ever know? I know I'm honored to be Marshall's. Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with such strong and caring parents, so I guess all I can really say to my own father is thanks for being "Dad."

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love,
Sissy-Liss

Would you tell me about your own first Valentine? If your own memories are not filled with pink hearts and chocolate, what have you done as a parent to show unconditional love to your babies?

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

 

http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/

Date Nights with Four Kids-Do They Really Exist?

In honor of Valentine's Day, my friend suggested that I write about parenting and dating. My initial thought was, What do I possibly know about dating? I'm an old married mom. What she really meant was, "How in the world do you find time, with four kids, to nurture your marriage with what we modern parents call date nights?"

Now, we're talking. Let's dish married-with-kids date nights.

Mark and I have been married for over fourteen years, and we've been parents for twelve of them. Long gone are the carefree nights of our early twenties. We try to reminisce about what our life was like before our children were born. The memories are hazy from sleep deprivation, but we are pretty sure that during those early years together, we were able to hang out with our friends without making plans weeks in advance. We could see movies on the very night they were released, and we definitely went out to quiet restaurants at a moment's notice! Do you remember those days, too?

Fast forward two continents, four kids and a truck load of diapers later to what our life as a couple is now...a couple as Mom and Dad. Our time alone can require an extreme amount of planning. Obviously, he's working during the day, while I'm busy maintaining our bustling home, intricate schedules and ever-changing kids. Nights are spent navigating the needs of the little people who live here, and we all know how quickly the weekend minutes seem to disappear. Even so, no matter what stage our kids have been in, we have developed a few methods to make room for date nights.

When we abandoned the comforts of American life in 2005 and moved our two babies to Japan, we became a fiercely independent family unit. It was during our experience abroad when we learned the importance of in-home date nights. We would read English bedtime stories, rock our kiddos to sleep, and then tip toe downstairs for time together. We would share a glass (or bottle) of wine and a bag of microwave popcorn while watching already outdated American TV through the Internet.

We sat side-by-side, right in front of the computer desk, in two hard kitchen chairs. It wasn't romantic, but it was all we could manage. It wasn't until we were forced to go without the conveniences of American life that we appreciated what made our dates so special…each other.

Now that we have been back on American soil for several years, welcomed two more children into the mix, and we are close enough to our families that they can visit, our date nights are much easier. I'll break down our system for you, and you can piece together what works for you and your own family.

Rule #1: Have Date Nights at Home

We all have reasons why we can't go out of the house to enjoy time away with our loved ones: a brand new baby, finances, childcare, conflicting work schedules. No matter the reason, it doesn't have to become an excuse to avoid spending time together. When our kids were much younger, we needed to wait until they were sleeping to have a date night at home. Now that they're older, we have an awesome new system. We are able to send them to play in the basement on a Saturday morning, as we share a quiet breakfast and actually enjoy our coffee while it's still hot. We tell the kids, "Mom and Dad are on a date," and they know not to bug us unless something major happens-like a pencil is protruding from someone's body. They really do listen, we stay in our jammies, and it's free.

Rule #2: Find a Trustworthy Babysitter

Whether your babysitter is Grandma or your niece or a neighborhood teenager, every family needs at least one person they can call on when a date night at home just won't cut it. If paying a sitter is really difficult, save the nights you do hire someone for when the entertainment is going to be free, like going to a holiday party in someone's home, an outdoor summer concert, or, the old stand-by: gazing out into the sunset. While we do have some fantastic sitters in town, we also use our moms whenever they're visiting. They see (read: spoil) their grandkids, and we see a movie that isn't animated. Everybody wins.

Rule #3: Try Family Date Night

If you just can't seem to leave those precious wee ones, or the sitter is busy, or you really just want to enjoy a meal with no clean-up, then plan a dinner out that's special for the whole family. Obviously, packing a picnic at the park is the most affordable way to go, but oftentimes, we end up at a restaurant that offers special discount nights for kids. Seasoned moms have lists of these places, categorized by days of the week and prices-all you have to do is ask. I sit close to my husband while the kids color in their menus, and we laugh at how drastically our dates have changed over the years.

Rule #4: Put Down Your Phone

That one is self-explanatory.

You have just a few days left to plan for Valentine's Day. Will you be doing anything special? I'm sure we'll be having an in-home date night, as we do every year. We don't even attempt reservations or movies or finding a sitter for that night. We leave that for the young couples.

I'll probably make something special for our family dinner, and then once the kids are snoozing, it'll be time for wine, popcorn and something on the TV. At least these days we can watch American movies and shows from our comfy couch. I'm fine being an old married mom, as long as I have this old married dad here next to me. 



One of our fancier date nights-going to my cousin's wedding!

 

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

 

http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/



My Christmas Tree is Still Standing

Nearly five weeks have passed since Christmas Day, yet our Christmas tree is still perched in our living room, fully decorated, right in front of our windows. Go ahead, feel free to gasp, shriek and judge. Revel in my laziness. I have found that my readers especially love my posts which document that I do fail at some parts of my job as wife/mother/woman of the world.

I talk to my mom on the phone every day, sometimes more than once. During one of our chats in the middle of January, she asked me if our tree was down yet. Of course, I laughed and gave the same response I give her every year around the same time,

"Nope, it's not Trixie's birthday yet."

We do not leave the tree up until Trixie's birthday for any real reason. It has just become a nice, solid deadline to strive for and a way to remember that when she was born, my mom took down our tree while we were at the hospital.

The year that Trixie was born, I had a semi-legitimate excuse for still having up our Christmas tree toward the end of January. Coming through the holidays with one baby who had just learned to walk and being extremely pregnant myself, who had time to think about taking down ornaments and lights and then putting them away in boxes? Weren't we lucky enough that the tree was decorated at all that year?

I was barely able to waddle after my also waddling toddler. I was falling on ice and going to physical therapy. It was cold and flu season. Our Christmas tree was the least of my concerns. Reese and our second child were going to be sixteen months apart in age, so I was storing any energy I had for when that baby did come. Having two babies in sixteen months sounded really close, yet manageable. Possible. My grandma had done it; my aunts had done it. I could do it, too. 

In reality, sixteen months was not meant to be our number. Sneaky little sister was anxious to meet us and made a very early, yet healthy debut. She brought the age gap between Reese and her even closer, making it fourteen months and some change. Her sudden birth caused quite a stir, as you can imagine. By the time we returned home from the hospital, bringing our tiny little girl to join her big brother and fuzzy doggie, all the leftover stress from a pregnant lady unable to put away her Christmas stuff had been magically erased.

My mother, always a loving caretaker and detailed organizer, had cleaned up everything for me. We were free to enter our home (and begin our new life as a family of four) with the fresh slate feeling that January often brings. Thank goodness for my mom. If it hadn't been for her, we might have just left the tree up till the following Christmas.

None of this suggests that every January has been as eventful as the year of Trixie's birth. A few of them have been really nuts, like the years we decided to move to and from Japan, and then again when we moved into our current house. I don't know what it is with us moving in the dead of Winter. On the other hand, most of our post-holiday seasons have been pretty standard. It's just that after all of the hustle and bustle, I'm never in a rush to drag up all the boxes to deconstruct the jolliness that has filled our home. It will seem so bare. So plain. So blah.

Right?

Actually, since Christmas was over a month ago, I know I'm ready for everything to come down now. It's time for me to gaze openly out my front window once again.

Trixie's birthday has now come and gone for 2015. I had set a goal to take down our tree over the weekend. I verbalized that ambitious goal to everyone here, only to be sidetracked by normal family happenings, such as a very loud trip to the bouncy house gym, fluffy purple cupcakes and our brand new, late-night Netflix addiction to Sons of Anarchy.

Our Christmas tree still remains. Its presence lingers in my mind every night when I finally rest my head on the pillow and then realize, Shoot, we still didn't take that tree down. Every time I pass by it or sit next to it as I write, I wonder, When will we ever have the time to put it away? It's exactly eighteen inches from me at this very second, but it's not down yet!

Will our Christmas tree still be standing by Valentine's Day? Surely not. My mom is coming this weekend.

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

What Does Christmas Vacation Mean for Mamas?

It's our first weekend of Christmas vacation. How does that make you feel?  I'll begin by stating how excited I am that our family has survived the first half of the school year! If you're reading this post, it means you have, too! Let's pat ourselves on the back, jump for joy or celebrate with a spiked coffee for breakfast. We deserve it. In my house, we have four kids attending three different schools, with four separate start times. Mornings are a little nutty, especially now that mitten/boots/snowpants season is here. We are managing, some days with more stress/tantrums/lost items than others, but managing nonetheless.

What is your crazy school routine? What sets you or your kids over the edge that you are so thrilled to be done with for the next two weeks? Let's rejoice in the notion that we are done with it for a while. Aside from heading out the door in a mad dash every morning, I am pumped that I won't have to pack lunches catered to everybody's specific needs. I know I'm not alone in this one. One kid doesn't eat sandwiches. He likes crackers instead of bread. One likes grape jelly sandwiches or peanut butter sandwiches, but never both together. One likes no crust. Some like salami. One likes ham. Some like hot food in a Thermos. One likes green grapes. One likes red. One likes clementines, already peeled. One can peel her own. One loves strawberries, which I cannot find anywhere now. One likes applesauce squeezers. One likes canned pears. One likes juice boxes. One wants water. One will buy milk at school. Everyone likes Goldfish, but one wants Extra Cheddar, one wants Pizza Flavor, and one is fine with anything. Of course, the fourth kid eats lunch at home, and that throws in a whole other list of demands. At least I don't have to have his ready by 7 a.m. How is it possible that we moms can keep all of this straight? I guess it's just innate, and our kids are so lucky to have moms who care so much about their darling taste buds.

The other obvious positive of the kids being on vacation from school for two weeks is the relaxed vibes that I am going to insist flow throughout our home this year. I can't tell you how much more at ease I have been this month by removing my Christmas card obligation. We also are not traveling out of town...at all. We will be at home, all together, every day...and I'm actually excited about it. Does that make me sound crazy? Do I sound like one of those moms who makes you want to puke when she says she can't wait to spend every waking second with her kids? Believe me, I know we are going to be on each others' nerves. That's why I'm thankful we have more than one floor to our house and doors (that close) for everybody's room.

I'm just more aware that with our lives being so busy every week of the year, we need this break. This time-out from it all. We can stay in our jammies all day and not brush our teeth till noon. That's what we did today-are you judging us? We traveled during Thanksgiving, and one of my kids told me that he wished we didn't have to go anywhere. He just wanted to be home. It really shook me up, and even though we had already made the choice not to travel for Christmas, it made me realize exactly why we didn't need to be anywhere but home. When our kids start to tell us that they need to relax, we really need to listen.

I know I've been a little absent from my usually very regimented Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday blog schedule the past few weeks. Our family has experienced some other obligations that have called for this mama's time and dedication. I'm thankful for your understanding, and although I haven't been posting exactly as planned, I have been thinking of my you, my awesome readers, every day.

This holiday season is busy for all of us. Time home with kids cannot always be planned. So, I would like to take this chance, this weekend before Christmas, to wish you all a wonderful time with your family. Spend it however you like. Bake as much or as little as makes you happy! Travel far or stay close to home. Listen to music, go to the movies, read by the fire, play in the snow. Break out the new toys Santa brings you. Cherish the moments. Cherish the memories. Cherish each other.

I do plan to take a Christmas vacation from blogging, too. I know that I cannot be present with my family if I'm sitting in front of the computer. I challenge all of us to be truly present in this season. Have you decided to join me yet?

Declaring to Value Our Time this December and Find Peace

When did it become December 2nd? Our tree is decorated, our Elf (named Harry...as in Potter), is back up on the shelf again, and the kids are anxiously counting the days until Christmas, using the not-so-fancy countdown board we found on clearance at the end of last season. We just finished up celebrating two kids' birthdays and then Thanksgiving, and now it's time to prepare for Christmas. Seriously, how did it happen?

I'll forever be amazed that since becoming parents, time just seems to disappear. It continually slips away, through our fingertips, always just out of reach. Although we'd like to catch it, grasp it and stop it from moving forward, it's impossible. Everywhere I go, when I see friends or family, someone says, "Can you believe it's already ________?" We fill in the blank with the year, or whatever holiday that seems to have arrived too soon, or time for school to start, or time for school to end. Today, I'm saying, "Can you believe it's already December?" Very soon I'll be announcing, "I cannot believe it's 2015!"

Something enlightening popped in front of my eyes yesterday which really inspired me to stop. Stop worrying about time. Stop fretting over the never-ending to-do lists of December. Stop, look, listen and enjoy what is in front of us.

This something quietly came across my Facebook feed, along with all the pictures of cats and newly decorated Christmas trees and inappropriate jokes. It was a beautifully written declaration made by my cousin's wife. She had openly declared to slow down. To enjoy her two babies. Her husband. Her life. She vowed to forget about the hassle of baking and gift buying and parties that inevitably make us all stressed and crazy during the holidays. She had decided what was most important to her at this point in their beautiful life, and she laid it all out there for Facebook-land to see. Maybe people scrolled past it, or maybe people thought she was suddenly Grinchy. I'm hoping that most people saw the same beauty in her ideas that I did.

She has inspired me.

For the past few weeks, I had been thinking about what is looming over my head this Christmas season. The calendar is filing up quickly, as our month is busy with travel and hosting and volunteering and shopping and baking and on and on. I'm the type of person who wants to do it all, see everybody, and be everywhere. Are you?

I'm thankful to have an insightful husband who can see this struggle I carry within myself. He recently removed one item from our plate. I fought him till the end, worrying about how it would affect others if we simply erased it from the calendar. Now that I'm officially free from the worry of this event, I can breathe a little easier as I prepare for my children's favorite holiday.

So, as Mark did his part to remove a hosting event from my holiday duties, I am going to do mine. I'm not ready to be as bold as my cousin and delete everything. However, I do have one Christmas obligation that I'm declaring right here, right now, simply to ignore this year. Do you have something you continue to do, year after year, but it seems to bring more harm to your holiday spirit than cheer? Will you join my cousin and me in letting go?

Here's my official statement. There's no turning back now:

I will not worry about sending a hundred Christmas cards this year.

I will not stress about posing my four children for that impossible perfect Christmas card photo. They are adorable and funny and loving and wild, and I'm not going to compare my picture to all of the others that come through my mailbox this year.

I will not spend hours going through last year's cards, my address file, the post-office or Shutterfly, looking for that "just right" card that says who we are this year.

I won't feel the sense of sadness that inevitably occurs when I send cards to people year after year who never send them to me.

I will carefully select one glittery, cheerful and sentimental card to send to my only living grandparent, letting her know that we value and appreciate the gift that she is to our family. I will encourage our children to send cards to their grandparents and those who mean the most to them.

I will gaze, with a smile on my face, as my children open the mailbox to find someone has thought of us this year.

I will cherish each and every card that does come to our home, from near and far. I will take time to read the messages, examine the sweet photos and feel thankful for those who do carry on this Christmas tradition I love so much.

I vow that next December, I will have the foresight to eliminate other needless duties from our schedule, freeing up time to send Christmas cards to the family and friends I so deeply value. I kindly ask those with whom we usually exchange cards: please don't take us off your lists. Our entryway would not be the same this year without your festive greetings taped all around. I'm still thinking of you, remembering you and wishing you a wonderful holiday season.

Can you think of something that you might want to remove from your busy life this season? Do you need a little nudge to finally give yourself permission to just let it go? Here I am, nudging you, ever-so-gently, to do what's most important to you and your family this year. Imagine all of the new memories you can create once you free yourself of the obligation. Imagine the peace.

Broccoli Rice Casserole

Every family has those favorite dishes we feel must grace our holiday tables in order to make the day complete. I've told you that Thanksgiving is the holiday I love the very most. It's about family and food and companionship. We talk and laugh and relax...and eat! When my brothers and I were growing up, we always made two stops on Thanksgiving Day. We would spend the daytime hours with my dad's side of the family, and then in the evening, we would pop over to see my mom's family for a quick sandwich, slice of pie, and a bowl of my aunt's famous macaroni salad.

Until I was a young adult, my paternal grandmother prepared a traditional and hearty meal every Thanksgiving, always set at 2 p.m.  She was a very tiny woman with a quiet grace who opened her home and heart for the love of her family. I'd like to share one of the recipes that she used to make for our Thanksgiving dinner. It has been thirteen years since she passed away, but every time that I smell this dish bubbling away in the oven, I fondly remember all of the years we spent gathered around my grandma's table.

Broccoli Rice Casserole

Ingredients:

1/2 stick of margarine (or butter)
1 T. minced onions (from the spice rack)
1 1/2 c. water
10 oz. chopped frozen broccoli
1 1/2 c. raw Minute Rice
1 can of Campbell's Cheddar Cheese soup
1 can of Cream of Mushroom soup
1 can of French's Fried Onions (the kind you put on green bean casserole)

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and spray a casserole dish with non-stick spray. (2 qt. round or 11x7 inches).

2. In a medium pot, bring water, butter and minced onions to a boil. Add the frozen broccoli and bring to a boil again.

3. Add the Minute Rice. Stir, cover and remove from heat. Let stand for 5 minutes.

4. Add the 2 cans of soup and stir all together until combined.

5. Spread the broccoli/rice mixture into the pan. Bake for 30 minutes. Top with fried onions and bake for 5 more.

HELPFUL TIP: For weeknight dinners, I've been making this dish with California blend, which gives it an added sweetness from the carrots. Otherwise, I like it just as it is for Thanksgiving, Easter and baby showers. It just reminds me of Grandma.


I know you have some favorite family recipes that remind you of holiday dinners or desserts. Would you leave me a comment to tell me about them?

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

Peeling Back the Mask of Sensory Processing Disorder

One late October morning, while all of my children were at school, I embarked on a motherly mission to find a very specific Halloween costume for one of those kids. My highly-sensitive, hates-the-way-everything-feels-on-his-body, usually-never-wears-a-Halloween-costume, seven-year-old kid. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was that he actually chose to wear a costume this year! I was more than happy to spend my teensy weensy bit of free time that morning walking the aisles of Party City in search of the highly sought-after Green Ninja garb.

In the past, as any parent with sensitive children knows, Halloween has caused some major trauma in our family. We've had screaming, kicking, crying, yelling, fighting, all of which ends up with the child not wearing a costume anyway...obviously.

Our first glimpse into the world of no-costume Halloweens was when Trixie was just a toddler. We were living in Japan and were preparing to go trick-or-treating in the neighborhood surrounding the kids' International preschool. I was attempting to adorn her and Reese in their adorably plush Disney Store Pooh and Tigger costumes, which my mom had sent over from America. Trixie had such a major meltdown that I actually had to cut her out of the costume. Scissors went straight up the back of that sucker so I could peel it off of her, because she was so far into her sensory tantrum that there was no other way out of it. My kids were the only Americans in their school (the only kids who actually celebrated Halloween), and yet they showed up wearing pumpkin shirts instead of costumes to trick-or-treat.

Little did I know that our third child would also have such severe issues with his sensory system. Most parents whose children process their senses in a typical way can't imagine that other children do not find dressing up for Halloween to be fun and exciting. For those of us with sensitive kids, we accept their reality that Halloween costumes are annoying and itchy and hard and just feel wrong. It takes patience, and sometimes it can take years for parents to figure out just what is happening with our children's body systems.

Have you been there? Have you learned what works for them or are you still in the phase of wondering what the heck is happening?

As our parenting progressed, we, too, progressed at how quickly we could recognize the signs of sensory processing issues. Now, we just know what to expect, when to expect it, and we've learned to let the children guide most of what goes on their bodies. Whether or not our kids will wear a Halloween costume is always a toss-up. After I experienced the horror of slicing that brand new Winnie the Pooh to pieces, I happily vowed never to buy a Disney Store costume again.

One year, Chip decided to go as a stealth ninja for Halloween. Sounds like a costume, right? Well, actually, he just meant that he would wear all black clothing that was already part of his every day wardrobe. The next year, he was a soccer player. Again, nothing extra or unusual, just wearing his normal gym pants and his park league soccer t-shirt.

Does it matter to us what kind of costume or not-really-a-costume our kids wear for Halloween? Absolutely not. We want them to be comfortable and have fun, just like everybody else. However, early this September, we noticed a small shift in Chip's mentality. He started to talk about not wanting to wear anything at all this year, and then not wanting to go trick-or-treating. What was breaking my heart was that his sensitivity was going to start to hinder him.

Maybe some parents would find skipping trick-or-treat a good thing and not worth mourning. For us, it was a sad time, because we knew that Chip really did not want to give it up yet. He's only seven, and that kid LOVES candy. He craves it and sneaks it and devours it, and, well, he just loves it. All of his friends and sibs were growing excited for Halloween, yet he was unable to feel that happy anticipation due to his anxious sensitivity.

About two weeks before Halloween, Chip surprised us by quietly stating that he changed his mind and was planning to wear an actual costume this year. He had deduced that if he skipped any kind of costume and thus skipped trick-or-treating, he would not be receiving any candy of his own. His brothers and sister would not be obligated to share their stash with him, and he knew the rule:

No costume=no trick-or-treat=no candy. 

He had seen the Green Ninja costume in the Party City catalog, and somehow, he set his mind on that one. Something about Lego Ninjago, of course, because it's all the rage in second grade. When I found the costume in the store and looked at all of its layers and pieces, I didn't know how he would react when I brought it home. Would he willingly put it on over his clothes or exclaim that it bothered his skin or felt too tight? Parents with sensitive kids will rejoice with me when I tell you that Chip was ecstatic to see his Green Ninja costume waiting at his kitchen table seat after school. (We do have assigned seats at the dinner table-I highly recommend it to anyone with little ones who argue over where to sit). He put it straight on over his clothes and did not take it off until bedtime!

 

This night was a true reason to celebrate for my sensitive son. He shared with me how soft his new costume felt inside and that he could be like a real ninja while he was wearing it. He jumped, kicked, twisted and flailed, but this time, it was all in the name of play-fighting with Marshall. It was not to try to take off a costume that caused pain or frustration.

This weekend will be a special Halloween event at his school, where Chip can show off his new costume to all of the friends who don't live in our neighborhood. No more walking through the costume parade at school with kids asking him, "Chip, what are you supposed to be?" It will be glaringly obvious. He is a Green Ninja, and his mama is so proud of him!

To be honest, Halloween isn't the only time we struggle around here. We've come to realize that each child in our family has a varying degree of these feelings when it comes to what goes on or into their bodies. Their sensory processing struggles not only affect their clothing choices all year, but can also inhibit their abilities to enjoy food, sunlight and especially sound. As their parents, we can only do our best to guide them with ways to navigate the world that they inhabit. This year, Chip was able to place his love of candy above his fear of the unknown...that very scary world of Halloween costume discomfort.

http://www.autism-live.com/halloween-autism-advice.aspx

I decided to dedicate this topic to a 3 part series. Please read my other two sections in Peeling Back the Mask of Sensory Processing Disorder:

Making Strides and Setbacks at Halloween (Part 2)

3 Rules to Navigating a New Stage of Parenting (Part 3)


If you have a child with autism or sensory processing disorder, how have you handled the struggles? What are you hoping to learn from other parents' experiences? Let's share how we have managed this issue in the comments section.

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo