When reminiscing about our childhood holidays, we may fondly
remember piling in our parents' car, driving from house to house to see the
extended families of both our mothers and fathers. Christmas Eve and Christmas
Day could be packed with festivities, from morning till night, as several
generations lived in the same town. A ten minute drive from one grandma's house,
to another aunt's house, and back home again, in time to set out a plate of
cookies for Santa was typical. Streets were lined with cars, as every house on
the block was hosting a family celebration…gathering with their village.
Fast forward to today. Parents are not always living or
raising their children in the same situation that was common for Americans in
previous years. My generation is the generation which moved away from our
hometowns. We graduated from college and joined a global workforce. We live
where wide ranges of opportunities exist, and we are eager to explore cultures
and experiences, many of which are vastly different from what we had known as
children.
My parents still reside in my childhood home, and my
grandmother peacefully lives in the only place I have ever known as hers. I
cherish that continuity and safety which exists for me. I love that I'm able to
look out my parents' back window to gaze at my kids playing with their
cousins…the same yard where I played with my cousins and friends and brothers.
I appreciate the moments when I walk into my grandma's kitchen, and she offers
me butter pecan ice cream, just as she did thirty years ago. I know how special
it is to have these places to return to, not only in my memory, but also in
real time with my children.
Yet, my husband and I have not created the same experience
for our own children. We aren't able to settle down near our parents or
siblings. We are the ones who don't live there.
Checking calendars weeks in advance and waiting to see how the weather will pan
out is always a part of our visits. Though emotionally close, we actually
aren't with our village.
We are not the only family living this way. A
large portion of our friends are what we call transplants. So many people have
moved into this area to work, from a variety of other states and countries.
So, how do we
manage this life, without our built-in village living near us? The answer is
two-fold:
First, we make sure that our immediate family, the six of
us, is strong.
Second, we work to build meaningful relationships with other
families with similar values. We are becoming a village for one another.
As the holidays approach, I reflect back on the farthest
place we ever lived from our village. For two years, we celebrated Christmas in
Japan. Although we may have missed out
on the huge gatherings of cousins and indulging in our favorite American
dishes, we received the blessings of something much richer. Our village was full. It busted at the seams with
every other family who was missing home and craved to be surrounded by love. Our
children played with children they had grown to know like cousins. We ate,
drank and were merry with the friends who were living life with us. They
weren't our brothers or sisters, but we felt entrusted to them because of our
shared experience.
As I wish you a Happy Holiday season, I'd like to extend a
challenge to my readers. Some of you are surely long-time residents of your
town, while others of you are transplants (like me). If you are a lifer with a
big heart, why not open up your village a bit to someone you know who needs
one? Supporting a neighbor's child by watching him play basketball or attending
her choir concert will help build a feeling of community and family. Extending
an invite during the holidays will bring joy in ways you may not even be able
to imagine.
To my fellow transplants, I know it's hard to move. I know
it can be difficult to find or make that new village, especially if you left
one behind that already seemed perfect. I know you miss seeing your own family
for the holidays. I know! Until you find your village, try searching for a
Newcomers Club in your area…and smiling. You will find your people.
Whether you are living in
your village, or an ocean away, there's always room for more.
Happy Holidays to my people!!
Just a sampling of the village we made during our Japanese days.
