20 Ways Moms Really Spend their Summers

Expectations, entertainment, envy. Modern moms feel a lot of pressure to create a balanced summer experience for their children. A charming and witty post is circling the web which beautifully mocks what a perfect summer might look like according to the typical Facebook or Instagram user.


My friends have challenged me to create a list of what real moms are really doing during summer vacation.


1. Alternating between feeling guilty for how much time the kids are spending on their devices and appreciating the peace it brings.


2. Waking up early to make coffee and WISHING that everyone else stays asleep so you can enjoy the first few sips alone.


3. Thinking about adopting the enormous spider outside the kitchen window as a pet. He's been there for weeks and has been a part of all family meals. It's easier than going outside to kill him and clean up his massive web.


4. Spending large chunks of time telling the children you will not help them find their goggles one more time, because you have already done your job in purchasing them, and it is not your responsibility to manage their whereabouts. Helping anyway.


5. Offering to take your kids to parks, zoos and beaches, only to have them whine that it's too hot, too cold, or the best yet, "We go to too many parks."


6. Explaining ticks to your six-year-old and answering his numerous questions about the blood-sucking arachnids.


7. Tiptoeing around the topic of school (teachers, supplies, friends) for fear of causing undue stress or anxiety, or subconsciously making summer disappear.


8. Feeling proud for remembering to take the giant umbrella to the beach, but then realizing you forgot its pole in the garage. Bye-bye beach shade.


9. Taking up to a month in advance to plan a gathering with a friend, because nobody's life is simple.


10. Breaking up sibling squabbles. Repeating. Repeating. Repeating.


11. Wondering, How can it be August, but we haven't grilled out once? Smelling a neighbor's sizzling steaks and begrudging your husband for not helping make dinner.


12. Finding a shriveled, shrunken blueberry on the family room floor, which is many rooms away from the kitchen, and where no one is allowed to eat.


13. Nagging your children to go outside to play by saying, "This awesome weather will not last forever. Soon enough, everything will be covered in snow, and you'll be wishing you could run around in the sprinklers. Now get out!"


14. Basking in success when they venture out the door.


15. Sulking in defeat when they return six minutes later.


16. Avoiding the kids' toy room, because it would mean facing the mess they have made when they should have been playing outside.


17. Worrying about sunburns, drowning, kidnappings, bike accidents and allergic reactions, while encouraging your children to be more independent, but to stop growing up...all at the same time.


18. Having plans to attend the free concert in the park for date night, but then realizing time spent on the couch, with a bowl of Cheetos between you, can be even better.


19. Hearing and trying to ignore the snack discussion: "Can I have a snack? When can I have a snack? What can I have for a snack? That's not a real snack. I don't want fruit for a snack. Why? Why? Why?"


20. Driving. Enough said.


I love summer! I wanted it to come. I don't want it to end. It doesn't mean I don't go a little nutso in the thick of it. What I've learned through my almost fourteen years as a mom is that The Summer Bucket List, which we used to create when the kids were younger, became a tool of doom. Now, we wing it, and it works for us.


How does your family handle summer? Structure? Fly by the seat of your pants? Let's share and add some more ways your family really spends your summer!

On top of a sand dune for our anniversary. I needed Dramamine to ride in the giant, old dune buggy. The sand was blazing hot and burning my pale feet. Yet, I'm smiling for the photo. You know the drill. It's a split second in time. Nobody's life is always this beautiful.     

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/

A Child Helps His Mom Accept the First Day of Kindergarten

A woman mothering through denial can be quite productive. I have noticed how much my mind was freed up for the daily tasks of parenting, as I refused to focus on the fact that my youngest child would be going to kindergarten this year.


Kindergarten for #4 commences in less than 24 hours. All day kindergarten, that is. The reality of our situation finally has hit me. I have spent the whole summer scrolling past other blogs about starting kindergarten, because I wasn't prepared to allow my mama emotions to bubble to the surface. If I acknowledged that other women were feeling somber about their babies going to school, I would be admitting that mine was going, too.


It was much simpler to pretend. To deny what was about to happen. To cherish our extra long summer. To savor this cushion of preparation time between preschool and the big school.


Obviously, I prepared myself for kindergarten on the required days, like during back to school shopping and meet-the-teacher-night. Because Marshall was the last of four to attend his elementary school, I wasn't nervous. I wasn't worried. We sailed through the motions of pumping him up for school, exactly as all parents do for their children starting a new grade or new adventure.


Letting on that I was sad for my baby to leave the house was never on option.


Deny.


Kids starting school in September is something they do. It's matter-of-fact. All of our other children have done it, and this guy would, too. What was there to dwell on or fuss over, really?


Dismiss.


Right when I thought I developed the most effective coping mechanism ever for sending the baby of the family to school all day, my child gradually nudged me in another direction.


Accept.


About four weeks into summer, sweet Marshall decided that he didn't need to hold my hand anymore when we were in parking lots. Each time we went somewhere together, he was less and less eager to instinctively grab my outstretched hand. The words, "Hold my hand!" were coming out of my mouth, while in the past, I never had to say anything. At first, he would oblige me. I would feel his warm and soft fingers clutch mine, and all was right with my world again.


That familiar feeling didn't last forever. Because the other kids were with us every day, he was picking up on the fact that they weren't holding my hand. He declared, "Nobody else holds your hand. I'm big now, so I don't need to do it anymore. I'm not a baby."


Inside, I knew that he was probably right, but doesn't a mom wish for all of her kids to stay as close to her as possible, for as long as...well, forever? Naturally, knowing that he would be going to school, and our days of holding hands during shopping trips were coming to an end, I still encouraged him and reached out for his hand. Each passing day of summer, I felt him pulling a bit more away from me. Letting go of me further from the entrance and running to the door without me. Reaching for more independence. Grasping to be one of the big kids.


For months, we had been telling our son that going to kindergarten meant he was a big boy. Big enough to ride the bus. Big enough to eat lunch with friends. Big enough to be away from home. Here he was, exhibiting his bigness, but his mama wasn't ready to let those fingers go.


As summer vacation came to a true close, the gates of my mind were shoved open to accept the reality of what my future days would be like. I could no longer pretend that my baby was going to be my shopping buddy or eating Goldfish in my backseat. No more rocking in our chair and reading stories. His favorite mid-morning glass of milk at our kitchen table would only happen on weekends. Lounging in jammies a few days a week...forget it.


My house would be quiet. Eerily quiet.


My car would be empty. Vastly empty.


Two nights before school was set to start, I pulled out our picture books about kindergarten. Bellies to his bedroom floor, Marshall and I read Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten. Unexpectedly, my personal enthusiasm for Marshall's new adventure crept in, and when he expressed a few of his five-year-old worries, I turned on my "Pump it Up" mode once more.


A most thrilling aspect of sending our children to kindergarten is that they come home to us knowing how to read. Because he doesn't like to be left out, I used reading as my main selling point for Marshall. A smile spread across his face when he realized that he soon would be reading and understanding words and books...just like the big kids!


Marshall taking his time to let my hand go this summer was exactly what I needed to be able to let him go on to kindergarten. I know he is ready to walk up the stairs of the school bus without me, with his big brother right behind him. I'll firmly stand in the street and wave like crazy, as the doors close and the new driver takes my last baby to the big school.  

If I've learned anything from my experience with blogging, it is to pay attention to the details.

 

Firsts. 

 

Lasts.

 

All of the in-betweens which tend to go unnoticed in motherhood if we're not looking.


Our three older kids held my hand in parking lots for years, and they eventually let me go. I don't remember how those days ended. My blog, while written to lift up others, has served as a journal of our lives. Not everyone reading today has a kindergartener. Not everyone reading even has small children anymore. However, a lot of people do feel that most days run together, mainly indistinguishable from one another. Why not try journaling? You'll be surprised at how much you can appreciate the smallness of this big life you are living.
 

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/

7 Stages of a Kid-Free Vacation

As Mark and I approach fifteen years of marriage, we often forget what our life entailed before we transitioned from two college students aching to spend every day together to two groggy parents who rarely find two consecutive nights uninterrupted by the hum-drum details of managing a family of six. Living this life, working through the highs and lows of parenting, tends to take a toll on the people who created it. Like everyone else experiencing this stage, our previous life is a distant blur.


So goes the life of a married couple with kids. We love them; we love each other. We crave family time; we crave couple time. Our emotions oscillate as we walk this delicate balance of seeking enough minutes in the day for everyone. Most days, it's a struggle. Most days, we long for more. Some months, we may only squeeze in a couple of short hours out of the house together. Otherwise, we settle for coffee and squirrel-gazing on the deck while the kids play Minecraft inside, or wine and Netflix on the couch when they're finally asleep. We manage, because it's all we can do at this point in time. It's being a parent. We want it. We love it, even though it's difficult. We know it will not be like this forever.


However...


You can imagine that when an opportunity came up for us to spend a week focusing only on ourselves, we pounced on it before the grandparents had a second to change their minds.


They offered at least five, maybe seven days for us to be...alone. Alone, alone.

Because the decision was pretty last minute, and we already had commitments for a couple of the days, we weren't able to sneak off for a Caribbean vacay (my first choice). Instead, we enjoyed three staycation nights and two nights in a cabin on a lake a few hours from home. Mark worked some, and I fulfilled my obligations that had been set a month ago. As we navigated this new territory of kid-free vacation time, I realized that we did not experience an easy shift from parents to a couple on a romantic getaway. Our vacation moved through stages.


Seven stages to be exact.


Seven stages I did not expect to encounter during our eagerly anticipated break from parenthood. If you are ever going to enjoy some time away from your children, you may want to be prepared for this range of emotions that may show up out of nowhere. They came as a shocker for me, for sure.


Stage 1-Elation


We left the four children in our hometown (with both sets of grandparents) after spending the July 4th holiday weekend with everyone. Prepping for their weeklong stay was a lot of work for me, and while I knew I would miss them, I also knew that they were going to have cool adventures. So much excitement and anticipation had been building, so when it officially happened, all we could do was be giddy. I actually clapped and shrieked a little.


Stage 2-Relaxation


Our drive home without them was quiet. So quiet, in fact, that we were able to discuss ourselves. We talked about current events, work, our upcoming plans, whatever we wanted. Free from typical refereeing which usually happens during our family trips, we didn't utter any of these sentences:


Would you please chew with your mouth closed?


Stop poking your sister in the neck.


We'll be home in an hour.


Leave his pillow alone.


Quit kicking my seat.


Who has to go to the bathroom?


No, you cannot have any more snacks.


Yes, we're almost there.


How would you like it if someone poked you in the neck?


You know what I mean. Without anyone behind us, we were so relaxed. Sometimes, we didn't talk at all as we soaked up the lack of sound. Coming home to an empty house meant more quiet, more peace, more freedom to choose our own paths. We controlled the TV, the iPad, the meals, everything! It was surreal. We even walked to a local restaurant for dinner on Monday evening. The only people who walk to that hip spot are the young couples who haven't had any children yet and the empty nesters in our neighborhood. This time, we were one of them. No kid menus for this couple. No whiners about tired feet. Just us. Just awesome.


Stage 3-Regret


Tuesday morning dawned, and after Mark left the house for work, I began to wonder if we had made a mistake.


Did we really need all that time to ourselves? Should I really be sitting in such an empty house, sipping piping hot coffee and checking Facebook, uninterrupted?


I was missing my daily squeezes. Missing the sounds of my family. Missing the rooms filled with bodies, no matter how sassy or stinky or silly they are. I cleaned. I cooked. I laundered. I completed all of my motherly duties, all without a child underfoot. It felt strangely wrong, and I told Mark that I was worried about how slowly the day passed by without anybody home with me. Is this what life will be like when they all go to school next year?


Stage 4-Worry


Wednesday morning was our planned departure date for our mini-vacation. After we talked with each child and tied up loose ends around the house, I averted my future identity crisis. We hit the road, which meant more time in the car together, in the cabin, in restaurants. We turned into a married couple with no kids in sight.


We've been alone for four days now. What if we run out of conversation topics? Is this what it's going to be like when the kids are all grown, and we're alone together every day? Can we handle it?


Stage 5-Guilt


Yes! Handling it well, Mark and I felt young again. We dozed past 9 a.m., kayaked across a serenely tranquil lake, devoured double scoop waffle cones and cracked up at Tommy Boy. Throughout the hours, our children came up in conversation, always in the back of our minds.


Suddenly, by Thursday, the entire night slipped by without us calling to check on them, and I felt like the most rotten mother in the world.


How could I have gone to sleep without hearing from my babies?


I'm not 19 anymore, what was I thinking?


I'm a mom with countless responsibilities, and being an ultra-competitive diva playing Scattergories at a cabin in the boonies isn't one of them.


Or is it?


Stage 6-Reconnection


I drove to see the kids on a Saturday, exactly six days from saying good-bye to them. They seemed older and appeared different. We hugged, and I prodded them for info about their week. Instead of lengthy, juicy play-by-plays, they only provided me with short answers.


"Good. Yeah. I don't know."


The five of us returned all the way home on Sunday, driving with no DVD player and in tight enough quarters that their legs and shoulders actually touched one another. Taking Mark's sporty car so I could drive with an open sun-roof and loud radio on the way there didn't exactly work out so well for the return trip.


I began wondering if separating the family for almost a week made me less tolerable to their usual behaviors or if the kids were angry with each other and me for leaving them for a week. What had I done?


Stage 7-Anticipation


When Monday afternoon rolled around, I felt myself missing Mark like I hadn't missed him in years, even though he was only ten miles away at work. I had grown accustomed to being near him, to our bodies and minds being present with one another all the time. I found myself daydreaming about our future. I began to imagine not only our next date night, but also our next kid-free vacation and even our retirement. I remembered why we fell in love half of my lifetime ago, and I focused on how blessed I was that we have an entire life ahead of us.


Next, I chose to turn an even stronger focus to the kids. Focus on their humor, their needs and their purpose in our home. Being without them for a week did create a longing for more family time. More time connecting with each one. More listening. More summer relaxing. Just more.


Parents have so many responsibilities, and one of them is that we do what we can to recharge and renew ourselves. A kid-free vacation may not be in the cards for everyone, but any amount of time you can devote to yourself as an adult first can only help.


You may be surprised at how much closer it will bring the entire family. Even if there's not time this year, think about it for another time. Kids benefit from happy parents. I hope you will benefit from my experience in knowing it may not be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.


What have you done to renew yourself as a parent? Do you have any advice to share?

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/

One Year Ago Today, We Started This Parenting Journey Together!

June 25th, 2014. On that morning, I vented about modern motherhood through the land of Facebook. I blabbed that it was only our third week of summer vacation, yet I was already feeling extremely overwhelmed. I composed a status update consisting of five paragraphs (a little long for most people's tastes) that struck nerves and reached out in a way I never could have expected. Most people would scroll right past something that drawn out, because honestly, who has time to read anything that winded? Yet, somehow, the mamas in my feed that summer morning did take the time. They took a few extra moments of their already hectic days to read all of what I had to say. Me. Why?


I was no expert. I was simply another mom. A mom they knew. Maybe they knew me through our current circumstances as moms in real time: school moms, church moms, neighbor moms, friend moms. Maybe we hadn't ever seen one another in action as moms, but we had shared life together when we were younger.


Maybe it was my title: "Parenting is Hard." Maybe that line reeled them in because it was something everybody felt but had never really admitted, especially on social media. Here I was, a happily married mother of four darling children, who on the outside appeared to have everything together...all the time...suddenly declaring that our life was actually frazzled, stressful and chaotic.


Admitting my mothering struggles that morning through typing felt like free therapy for me. Writing that post came quickly and easily. The words I shared were extensions from ideas I had discussed with my closest friends and family in the past. They had been bursting at the surface of my fingers for so long, and the process of releasing them online was cathartic. Knowing that previously talking about similar issues always resulted in a head nod, laughter and an outburst of "Oh my gosh...Yes!!!!" gave me confidence that those five paragraphs might be relatable to at least one or two other people.


All I can say now, exactly 365 days later, is "Wow!"


Wow, did we start a conversation?


Wow, did we ever open up a lot of incredibly important dialogue?


Wow, did we create a safe place for sharing...with people we know, people we see, and people we can trust?


Wow, did we uncover that so many other moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas were also feeling exactly the same emotions we were feeling, not only about the difficulties of being moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas (because those are so very real), but also about the triumphs, joys and prideful moments we experience in our roles as caretaker.


Wow, has this journey been an honor for me?


From the day that I first opened up my heart to my Facebook friends, and then my friends began to share their hearts with me, I knew that we were on to something special.


For those of you who have been here with me since day one, before Mama Loves You and Chocolate, Too was even created,...I thank you.


If you're just finding this community now, because somebody directed you here, welcome to this world! It's a sweet place where we come together to learn from other parents. From their wisdom. From their mistakes. From their humor.


I'd like to take a second to share what I wrote that fateful June day last Summer. Maybe you need to read it again. Maybe your June is already beginning to feel a lot like last year...busy, crazy, annoying. If that's your situation, you'll be relieved that you are not alone. Not one bit.


Perhaps, this June is more relaxed for some reason. Maybe you have ridden the waves of this journey with me and benefited from my constant reflection...and over sharing. You can read my words this time around with a thankful calm and think back to the times when you have felt ultra-stressed and envious of the perfect families all around you. Read and remember that even though we're in a safe parenting place at the moment, at any time we can slip back into the madness...and that's okay. Every parent is just an extra school project or case of the stomach flu away from losing it. Even the ones who seem to have it all together. Even the so-called Super Moms.


If you have ever felt an emotional pull to the community that results from the writing I share from my heart, I sincerely ask that you share it with others...with other moms or dads or grandmas or grandpas who could also use a smile or nudge of encouragement. I wouldn't be who I am without the strong network of fellow parents who allow me to pick their brains and smear my tears on their shoulders. Maybe you have parents in your network who are looking for you to be that person for them, and you may not even know it yet. Parenthood cannot and should not be done alone.

"Parenting is Hard" Written June 25, 2014

I keep having to remind myself of this new mantra I've discovered: "Parenting is hard." Nobody ever told me it was going to be easy, but somehow it seemed easier in the beginning. Sure, I was sleep deprived and up to my eyeballs in diapers for ten years, but I've found this next stage of parenting to be the most difficult so far.

Having a middle-schooler threw me for a loop I was not expecting. Having four kids in three different schools made for a crazy year. I could not wait for summer vacation to be here! I realize now that our life will be this way from now until who knows when...crazy. The kids will always be in many different schools and experiencing different stages of growing up. Their ages are so spread apart, and it's extra obvious now. When the oldest was 7, they were all still so young and little. Now the older two are 11 1/2 and 10 1/2, and it's a whole new world. We can never go back to what it was before, and I have found myself struggling to accept it.

A friend of mine recently told me that these are the hardest years on a family. I can see it now. All the kids have mood swings like you would not believe. One minute, they're best friends; the next, they're screaming at the top of their lungs that they wished the others didn't exist. One day, they're telling me I'm the best cook in the world; the next, they're saying I only make "gross food."

We can't let our egos get the best of us. We can't believe these outbursts, or we'll never want to wake up to face another day. When I look around at school or church or on Facebook, it's easy for me to feel like our family doesn't measure up to the others around me. It makes me want to shut down and lock ourselves inside till everyone learns to behave in every social situation. Then I remember, parenting is hard. Everyone thinks it, they just don't always say it.

I ran into two friends at the grocery store the other night. We were all having the wonderful experience of shopping without our many children whining and pulling on our legs, calling us mean for not buying them a new toy or treat or whatever. We were relishing in the rare quiet and chance to talk without being asked, "Are you done yet? Let's gooooo!" We laughed that we should grab some wine and not go home. We had the chance to see that only a few weeks into summer vacation, we were all experiencing the exact same things. We all could see that parenting is hard, and that everyone feels it. Everyone's house is messy. Everyone's kids claim to be bored when they have an entire house full of toys. Everyone's kids fight with each other…a lot.

I'm writing this today because I need to vent, but also because maybe someone needs to hear it. Maybe one of my friends is feeling the stress I feel. Maybe you look at others and feel like they make parenting look so easy, but wonder why it's hard for you. I won't have the chance to run into most of you at the grocery store. I won't have the chance to give you a hug and say it's great to see you. Believe me, I wish I could. In the meantime, please take my little note as encouragement from afar.

Parenting is hard.

Let's admit it.

Let's accept it.

Let's get through it together.


Now, tell me how this Summer is starting out for you. Did you overbook yourself and wish you hadn't, or are you loving all the running here and there and everywhere? Are the kids bickering or claiming to be bored yet? Are you forcing them outside? Have you locked yourself in the bathroom yet? Come on, let's dish!

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/

 

 

Something New-Our Summer Calendar Is Empty!

Most stay-at-home-moms I know have been doing the summer schedule shuffle for several weeks by now. In the past, I would have been doing the same. The calendar comes out in February to plan every little detail of what initially seems like a vast, endless and ultimately structure-free summer break. Three months is a looong time! We feel the need to pack the days and weeks with activities in order to avoid too much togetherness and not enough fun.


What begins as an anticipated vacation from our school year commitments of rising early and doing homework quickly fills up with an abundance of sports, camps, lessons, getaways and library events, all intricately woven between adult work schedules and family vacations. Mastering the family's summer schedule requires some serious skills.


Avoid sports overlap.


Set up grandparent visits.


Arrange car pools.


Make sure we have the right size cleats this year...Soccer and baseball.


Which week is church camp?


One kid wants to try tennis this year.


Can we make it from art camp in time for swimming lessons? 


Everyone needs an equal amount of their favorite activities and new opportunities.


Wait, when will we have time to go to the beach? The ice cream shop we love so much? The blueberry farm?


Every single summer, I plan to do less. Less than the year before, when we were crazy and harried and spent half of every day carting four kids to and from some sort of scheduled activity that was directed at only one of them.


Here's something nuts. I tend to sign the kids up for events that start early in the morning. What is wrong with me? When I make the schedule in February, I'm used to waking up early, so the thought of doing it all summer doesn't phase me. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal. That is until summer is actually here. Then, I'm cursing my alarm clock and the color-coded-for-every-family-member-calendar that's hanging on the side of my fridge.


Why have I been sabotaging our vacations all these years?


Well, because it has always seemed like what the best moms do. Parents who can provide educational, athletic or social opportunities for their children should do so. Right?


What if...maybe that's not right? Not in the way that we think.


Summertime enjoyment doesn't need to be costly or scheduled or outsourced. I had four kids to stay home with four kids, not so I could split them up and rely on others to give them "learning experiences." I know I can provide my children with fantastic excursions, exciting play time and meaningful activities. I don't know what took me so long to realize it.

Do you remember last December, when I decided that I needed to declare more time for the six of us? Although my Christmas prep seemed to be rooted in my family's happiness, it was actually taking me away from them. Stressing us out more. Sabotaging our holidays.


This year, I am going to do the same for summer! I'm declaring to value our summer vacation. While I can, I am going to let loose with these kids. I know it's not feasible for all parents, but because I'm home with the kids, it will work for us. Can you consider ways to join me in ending the typical summer madness?


Maybe you need a nudge. What will it take? Are you worried the kids will strangle each other if they spend too much time together? Are you nervous how you'll handle having them with you All.The.Time? Believe me, those thoughts cross my mind, too.


What first led me to let go of my urge to schedule so much was when our oldest son decided to stop playing a sport that he's played for the past six years. Cold turkey, he told us that he didn't want to join this year. That registration is usually what starts the ball rolling for my summer schedule shuffle. Without it, I didn't even need to open my calendar. A few of the kids didn't plan to attend the camps they've gone to in the past. I could check those off my list, too. Now, it's April, and we have missed deadlines for most everything that will be happening around town this summer.


Do I feel guilty?


Maybe a tiny twinge.


Then, I remember:


We live three miles from an incredible fresh water beach, but shamefully, our summers are typically so hectic that we only make it there a handful of times. This year, we'll be free to go whenever the kids ask.


They have bikes and wagons and scooters, and we live in a neighborhood blanketed with shade. We can create our own free "biking camp," making pit stops at home for big bowls of watermelon that will drip pink juice down our chins.


We're going on a road trip to the Rocky Mountains with our best friends and their four kids. We'll witness more of our Earth's beauty in one week than the kids could ever experience in an expensive nature class or science camp here in town.


Lemonade stands, trampolines, swing sets and bubbles.


Jumping, playing, chasing and climbing.


Screeching, squealing, bellowing and laughing!


Those are the moments that we should be dreaming about...the lazy days of summer.


We've spent an entire school year barking at our kids to hurry up, and nobody wants to waste the short summer months riding around town in a junk bus. Would you join me giving our kids a carefree summer...a true vacation?


Is your calendar already jam packed with Kid Stuff? Will you be able to resist the temptation to fill each week with more? I know it's hard and even scary to be unstructured, but let's try it together. You have gifts and talents to share with those babies you dreamed of for so long. Let them see you shine. You have a sprinkler for them to run through if you can't make it to a pool or the beach. You can dig out your old roller blades or take long walks with them after work. The memories they'll make with you by their sides will be immeasurable, and your alarm clock will survive until September.

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/

The End of Summer Rollercoaster

I'm sitting at my computer on a Sunday night, wrapped in the fuzzy new blanket the kids gave me for my birthday, with a Lindor truffle slowly melting in my mouth while I type.  The dishes are clean, the kids are downstairs playing together, and Mark is in the other room wrapped up in his own happy place:  playing Clash of Clans.  It really couldn't be a more peaceful evening, so I figured I better write my post for Tuesday.  I won't have time to write that day because Tuesday is the kids' first day of school.  I'm actually a little sad about it this year.  Usually our summers are so hectic and loud that I'm more than ready for school to begin.  For some reason, I'm just not ready to let this summer go yet.

Maybe it's because the weather hasn't been its usual self this year.  We had a few hot days, but barely enough to equal a whole month.  I'm not complaining, because I love the weather we have had, but somehow, it just didn't really feel like summer.

Maybe it's because the children aren't babies anymore, so they spent many weeks away from home this summer.  They each took at least one turn going to their grandparents' houses for a week or more.  Some were gone more than once.  Breaking up and changing the dynamics of the family every once in awhile worked really well to give them new experiences.  Of course, it also made their usual arguing less frequent and more manageable. 

Maybe it's because I just realized that we are 2/3 of the way through with Reese's life at home with us.  He only has six more years of school before college.  Mark tried to convince me that six years is a long time, but I know it's not.  We have lived in this city for six years, and it has flown by so fast!  We moved here when Reese was only five, just starting first grade.  Six more years, and we'll be
taking him off to live on his own.  With another summer ending, it means we're that much closer to our first child leaving.

Maybe it's because this will be Marshall's last year as a preschooler, meaning his last year with time at home with me.  Next year, he'll be in school all day, every day.  My life as a stay-at-home mom as I've known it for the past many, many years will be over.

The end of this summer brings up feelings I'm just not up to facing yet.

Last night, Mark and I went out alone for a few hours, just to recharge one last time before school starts.  We were relaxing outdoors on the rooftop of one of our favorite restaurants, with nothing to do but enjoy each other's company.  Do you know what I did after we were finished with our meal and were finally able to sit peacefully, with no one there to need us?

I cried.

I was out on a much needed date with my husband of fourteen years, the man I love who parents these four incredible children with me, and I cried.

Not a lot or loudly, but I did cry.

I cried because even though I knew the kids were home having a blast with one of the greatest babysitters ever born, I couldn't stop thinking about them.  I cried because I wanted to be in the moment of our dinner out on the rooftop, but my brain wouldn't let me be there.  I was still thinking about Marshall's first day jitters and that leftover vacation laundry and remembering to put money in the kids' lunch accounts.  Soccer and swimming are starting soon, and Mark might travel for work, and gosh, why couldn't I just forget about it for an hour and enjoy my Cherry Coke? 

I realized I was crying because I hardly ever have a second to myself to breathe.  We moms are always thinking about everyone else, right?  No matter how many lists we make or reminders we set for ourselves, there is always something else coming up, overlapping, or even being forgotten.  Just having those few minutes to let myself breathe, with Mark there with me, was a relief. 

I didn't cry for long, because of course he cracked some joke to make me laugh.

I said it, I let it out, and I was done. 

I'm not saying that I won't cry again the next time we have a few moments of peace.  Honestly, if you ask Mark, he'll tell you that I do tend to cry on our dates.  I cry on our dates, and I cry in my doctors' offices.  I guess it's just something about finally having those few minutes to focus on myself that lets it all come to the surface.

Now that I have had time to contemplate everything, I'm feeling more ready for the new school year to begin.  I know we can't stop time.  Kids will grow.  That's my job and has always been my job...to help them grow.

On the up side, when the kids are away at school for so many hours during the week, finally I will have some of that alone time I've been craving. 

So, do I want them to grow up or do I want to have time for myself? 

Motherhood: what a roller coaster!

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

Loving and Loathing a Family Vacation

For 63 days, a small white board was stuck to the front of our refrigerator, counting down the days until the kids would finally be experiencing their dream vacation at their very favorite place on Earth.  I'm not talking about taking them to see the Big Mouse, as we have yet to make that trip with four kids.  Who knows when we'll muster up the courage for that one.  Our children always want to travel to an indoor waterpark and hotel that provides loads of fun.

One afternoon, when we were all driving down the highway, Mark asked the kids, in an unusually high shrieking voice, "Hey, guys, wanna go to Your Favorite Place (YFP) this summer?!!!"  He must have been gunning for that "Favorite Parent" spot.   It was still early in Summer, and we parents had yet to discuss plans for what we might want to do for a family vacation, if anything. 

My choice would not be to return to YFP for the fifth time in just a few years.  This place has sort of run its course for me.  It's not that I hate it, but I do not enjoy being soaking wet all day, every day.  I also must worry about water injuries the entire time, which definitely is not relaxing.  Finally, because the kids are all different ages and swim levels, Mark and I have to split up to keep watchful eyes on everyone.

Are these the ingredients a mom needs to be in charge of building a fun, family vacation?  Wet, worried, and without her husband?  It's like we're doomed from the start.

On the positive sides, the children go crazy for this place.  Not only does it have the never-ending fun of water slides, pools, and buckets of water being dumped everywhere, but there's also a wizard game (on dry land) that the kids love.  Wielding magic wands, they race and compete, hoping to see their names appear on the leader boards broadcasted on every television throughout the hotel.

I had no choice but to be on board with this vacation...again, since Mark blurted it out before thinking.  He rarely does that, so I wasn't going to try to change any plans.  The kids were already planning their water park path and wizard domain mastery the second YFP left his lips. 

All summer, the kids, even little Marshall, would tell us how many days were left until YFP.  They could not wait until the big day arrived.  Mark used it as sort of a behavior bribery tool.  He'd say, "Kids who don't behave will have to stay behind when everyone else goes to YFP."  You know, like we do at Christmas when we threaten that Santa won't come if kids don't straighten up, but he always does anyway.  It was just like that, because obviously there was a lot of misbehavior this summer, yet, somehow, four kids still went on the trip to YFP. 

We did make this trip a little longer than our normal ones, and we even visited a YFP that was several hours away.  We broke up the driving a bit by spending one night in another city and exploring a fun place there as well. 

This vacation was all about the kids. 

We planned everything to make them happy and create fond childhood memories...just what we learned in parenting school would make us superstar parents.

Did they have a wonderful time swimming and splashing and zipping down slides?  Absolutely!

Did they appreciate all the time and money we spent to make it happen for them?  I think so, and they even said thank you!

Did they end up crying and whining and fighting and screaming and just losing it?  We all did!

I bet that families have been going through the same types of craziness on vacations since the concept was invented.   Kids fought over who would sit in which seats,  everywhere we went.  We ate out so many times that our bodies were craving fresh food, but the last place we chose had so many flies buzzing around that we were afraid to take anything from the salad bar.  I had to settle on buying 8 packs of apples from the Drive-thru at McDonald's.  We were in each others' personal space for so many straight days that just the mere sound or smell of another person was enough to make us nuts. 

Something that really made me feel better was a conversation I overheard another family having as they left a restaurant together. 

A restaurant with a train theme. 

A restaurant where the food is delivered to the tables by moving toy trains...is that not a child's dream restaurant or what? 

The mother was saying to her complaining son, who was probably about eight or nine, "We have just spent several days making sure you are having a good time. We played all day at the arcade for you. You have been at the waterpark for days.  You have been playing games all the time. You have been eating all kinds of food you like.  We have spent a lot of money to make this trip what you want it to be, but you are still crying.  Why?"  I didn't hear the kid's response, but I didn't need to hear it.  It was a little glimpse into our family from the outside.

Mark usually becomes annoyed by my eavesdropping when we're in public. I can't help it, I'm just extra observant.  It's a gift slash curse.  I picked up this whole convo in a matter of seconds as our two families passed by each other on the sidewalk.  I whispered it to Mark, just to validate to him that we were not the only ones feeling the way we were feeling at that point in our vacation.  Whew!

 

Of course, we all had a ton of fun on our trip, too.  We stayed in beautiful hotels with everything we needed.  We took the kids to places that we had visited as children ourselves, so we were able to recreate memories with them that we had with our own parents.  We howled and laughed and screamed with excitement (and a little fear) on the thrilling waterslides that made us feel like kids again.  We joyfully watched all four of our children laugh and play in the water together, inside during the rainy day and outside under the warm sun.  We forgot about work and school and commitments and were together as our special family of six...the family that only we have and only we know.

By the time we made it to a pit stop at Mark's parents' house on the way home, all his mom could tell us was, "you guys look so tired."  She wanted us to stay the night at their house to rest.  It was a lovely offer, but we just wanted to go home.  The kids just wanted to be home.  We all just wanted to be in our own beds, in our own space.  Yes, we love each other, and although we wanted this vacation to come so badly, we also really wanted it to end.  Ironically, now that it is all over, and there is no more anticipation, it feels strange.

We told Mark's mom that we were so tired because we were just going and going the entire time.  She said, "When kids are this age, vacations will always be about them. You will need a vacation from your vacation."  I know she's right, and I wonder how our own parents and grandparents managed their family vacations:  some with even more kids and less money. 

I'm thankful for my first class problem of having a vacation with my family that was so jam-packed with awesomeness, that our kids' only troubles were being overloaded with sensations and overcome with emotions they didn't know how to handle themselves.  Now that we have been home for over 24 hours, and the children have had time to decompress and wash off the hotel grime and waterpark slime, are we ready to tackle what is next?  Are we ready for school?  It starts in a three days! 

Hmm, I wonder why the kids didn't make a white board countdown for the first day of school.

 

 

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

The Kids' Dream Vacation, Yet We All Ended up in Tears

So, it's Thursday night, and the ruler-follower that I am will not let this night pass by without my post.  Even though we seriously just walked in the door, scarfed down some KFC at 8:42 p.m., and put four extremely crabby kids to bed.

We just survived, endured, managed, suffered through, experienced, and had a blast on a family vacation.  A vacation that has been the focal point of this entire summer.  One that we could not wait to go on, but about six hours ago, we could not wait to end!

I'm sure this will be the shortest blog post you'll ever see on Mama Loves You and Chocolate, Too.  It's so short because I am dying to crack open one of those bottles of wine which Mark and I took on the trip, yet sadly brought back home with the screw top still intact.  I wanted to let you know that my fingers missed my keyboard, as I just can't seem to master typing on an I-pad.   I wish I had time now to tell you all about what made this trip so memorable, but I've really got to go! 

We are almost done with Season 2 of The Killing, and I just really need to find out what happens.  Don't tell me!

Spoiler alert for our vacation, with details to come on Saturday morning when I can relax with coffee in hand and kids happily playing outside:  everyone had some of the best times of their lives, yet we all shed tears at least once. 

Please check back in on Saturday to hear what vacation with four kids of extremely different ages is like, why we as parents torture ourselves year after year, and to laugh when you realize it doesn't just happen to you. 

No, we did not head to a tropical island with four children.  This photo was taken during our first big vacation with kids.   It was actually very relaxing.  We weren't outnumbered yet, and they were still toddlers.  We headed to Guam, USA during our stay as expats in Japan. 

The Joys of U-Picking. Wait, Is That Even a Word?

We live in a city where U-pick farms are abundant:  strawberries, blueberries, apples, and pumpkins are our favorites.  Each year, we manage to  pick fruit from at least one or two of them.  Yesterday, I took two of our kiddos blueberry picking, which happened to be one of the best u-pick experiences we have had in the six years since we've lived here. 

The apple orchard is a rite of passage field trip for the little ones but also a really great time for moms, dads, grandmas, and grandpas.  We load up on bushels full of apples to take home for apple pies, apple sauce, apple cake, and just lots of fresh juicy apple eating. 

Strawberry picking is perfect for the short bodies of children, since the berries grow really low to the ground.  We didn't make it out this year because this was the summer my foot was broken, and the fields are muddy and full of bugs.  Not conducive conditions for  my glorious boot.  We purchased our strawberries from the local farmers' market instead, which means they're just as sweet and juicy, just cost a teeny bit more.  Everyone around here makes jam.  I do not.  I eat the strawberries, bake with them, and then freeze some with the intention to make smoothies with them.  Also, something I don't really do. 

The pumpkin patch is hit or miss being in the Midwestern Fall.  It's fun to ride out into the farm on a tractor full of hay with the kids.  Some years, it's gorgeous weather; others, it's wet and cold.  That's just the way it goes around here.  If we make it out to pick our own pumpkins, good for the kids.  They have fun choosing one that's just right for them, still on the vine with plenty of dirt all around.  If not, they'll have not quite as much fun choosing one from the giant bin at Meijer.  Those are actually much cheaper, so when we're buying four of them, sometimes it's just the way to go.

Now on to what is always my favorite fruit to pick:  blueberries.  They're so easy!  You do not have to worry about them bruising or being smashed in your bucket like apples and strawberries.  They are just so hardy and fall right off the bushes with the slightest wiggle.  I usually take all four kids to pick blueberries, but this year, two of them were with their grandparents for the week.  Trixie and Marshall  were the ones with me, so we went together on what turned out to be just the most beautiful day.  No sweltering sun beating down on us, no mosquitoes buzzing around, just an overcast afternoon where we could take our time and talk peacefully to each other through the blueberry bushes.

The farm had small colored sand buckets for kids like Marshall, and bigger white buckets for Trixie and me.  We tied the buckets around our necks and trudged through the fields to find bushes overflowing with round, dark berries.  We also ran into some friends of ours, so we chatted with them while searching for those sweet, juicy fruits to take home.  The three kids in that family were having a contest to see who could pick the most!  What a great idea for mine next year.  I'm totally stealing it. 

Marshall was eating every other berry he picked off the bushes.  It's typical for him (and even allowed).  Last year when we picked strawberries, he took a bite out of every single berry before he placed them in his bucket.   He and Trixie were so proud of the blueberry haul they procured in forty short minutes.   I'm proud of them, too, and thankful for the year's worth of treats we'll have because of their quick work.  Pancakes, muffins, pies, buckles, cakes, cheesecakes-yummy! 

A few times while we were out in the fields, seemingly out of nowhere, Marshall called to me through the bushes, "Mama, I love you!"  Gosh, what a sweet sound from my sweet little boy.  I really needed to hear it.   In a few months, the warmth of Summer days will be replaced by the chill of Winter nights.  When we wake up on a cold, snowy morning and the kids ask for me to bake some blueberry muffins, I'll march down to the basement to pull a bag of our frozen berries from the freezer.   I'll sigh and fondly recall the comforting feelings of this fantastic U-pick day! 

Check out the recipe I use for Blueberry Buckle:  http://mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo.blogspot.com/2014/07/blueberry-buckle.html


A past trip with all four kids to the blueberry farm:  a wonderful family bonding experience! 

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

 

School Supplies-Like Christmas in July

A normal summer chore, shopping for school supplies, turned out to be just what our family needed this weekend. We usually go close to the end of summer, when the stores are crowded with frenzied moms searching for all the right items on their lists. Our little planner girl had been bugging me to take her shopping since she received her supply list in the mail back in June. She even made sure to type it and save the list to my desktop, just in case the original was lost or destroyed. As if that ever happens in our house. When is the last time an important paper had milk accidentally spilled on it or was tossed in the garbage with a piece of chewed gum wrapped inside of it? 

Trixie was especially excited to shop for school supplies in July, but I really was not that eager to go at first. We still have over six weeks left of summer vacation, so I felt like shopping now would damper our chill vibe. I did not want to think about what preparing for fall involves: waking up for school and packing lunches and monitoring homework and balancing the schedules-for four very different children! I felt like we just finished doing it for last year, why would I want to face the inevitable mayhem awaiting us in September?

Surprisingly, something completely different happened while Trixie and I shopped together. I was like a giddy school girl myself, strolling up and down the aisles of Staples. I was having a crazy good time helping her choose a new backpack, folders, and scissors, but I also found myself becoming excited at the trendy aqua colored journals and cool containers of push pins. Can you believe how many colors of Sharpies are available now? That store is like a sea of possibilities, overflowing with really fun tools and incredible supplies. Oh, the stories I could tell, the papers I could organize, the pencils I could sharpen. I kept imagining that I was like Kathleen Kelly, dreaming about bouquets of newly sharpened pencils from Joe Fox, er, I mean from Mark. 

I longed for everything new for myself. Instead, I practiced restraint and focused my energy on finding just the right items for all the kids. Marshall does not need his own supplies for preschool, but I knew that he would love to have something new like his older siblings. An eight pack of really fat crayons and some colored pencils of his own have absolutely hit the spot. Chip is thrilled to have his first 64-pack of crayons. He cannot believe how huge it is and yelled, "Mom, it even has sea green!" Reese's middle school binder is chock full of crisp white notebooks and a brand new pencil case. Trixie's backpack is sweet and sassy, and she already checked to make sure her snow pants will fit inside it this winter.

The fun did not stop at the store. Teacher Trixie had the boys sit in a circle while she pulled items out of the shopping bags. They made a game of it, guessing which supplies were for which kid. Second-grader Chip was hoping they were all for him. I could not stop smiling while I experienced the newness through the eyes of these children. The teacher in me, the mom in me, and the school-loving little girl in me are so thrilled that my children are having as much fun with preparing for school as I always did. I could not believe how gracious and thankful they were. It really was like Christmas morning, although they were shrieking over pencils and Post-Its instead of Legos and Wii games. We experienced a proud parent moment for sure. Now we can relax and enjoy the rest of summer knowing their bags are packed and ready to go. That is until the first day rolls around in September and the chaos begins again.

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

 

Back to the Summer Madness

The kids and I just came home from a week away from the daily grind of summer vacation.  I know, it shouldn't be a grind. It should be relaxing and carefree.  Believe me, I'm working on it.  I vowed to schedule less camps and activities this summer.  I actually did schedule less than usual, but with four children, we still have more than I can count. I can't even begin to remember what they are unless I look at my calendar...my big paper calendar attached to my fridge.  I also have a small paper calendar in my purse. I cross-reference them every week to make sure I don't forget anything.  I do not have a smart phone.  I like using a pen.  Is that weird?

I took our kids to my hometown to stay with our families.   Every day, we had places to go and people to see.  We did miss Mark, the poor guy had to stay behind and work, but having some time to decompress really helped us prepare for the rest of our busy summer.  Usually, when we go visit family, it is for a specific event, like a birthday party.  We drive down, stay a night or two, hopefully sneak out for a movie, and then we head back home.  We see the people whose event we are attending, and that's about it. 

This time, I made the smart decision to stay an entire week.  I know I am very blessed to have the opportunity for such a trip.  Have you ever had the chance to do something similar?   I really hope that as a parent, you are able to connect with your friends and/or family as much as possible.  Whether we have new friends, sneaking in a quick coffee while the kids play, or lifelong friends who know us like nobody else, we all need to make time to nurture ourselves.   Positive relationships help us thrive.  Let's make them a priority, and we'll feel more ready to tackle the parenting our kids need from us.   

If you are reading this post and thinking, "I do not have those kinds of connections with people," please come back again.  I have been sharing my mom survival tips with my real life friends for years.  I'm not an expert, but I do know what has failed me and what has worked.  I hope you'll visit again to laugh in agreement or shake your head at my motherhood goofs. 

There will be lots of them.

I promise.

Like what happened to me this morning:   I was being a nice, fun mom and let the kids play at a local park.  One of them threw a little girl's shoe down the hill.  When I told him to give it back to her, he threw it up the hill and nailed her in the foot.

Yep, I'm one of those moms at the park. 

I have rude kids sometimes.

I do my best to teach them manners. Really I do.

They just choose to learn them on their own schedule.  Please forgive me and have patience with us. I'm sure they won't be like that forever.

Meanwhile, I would like to reflect on the blessings I had while I was visiting my hometown and forget about the rudeness for at least a little while.

I am very thankful to all of my friends for the times we spent laughing and reconnecting last week.  I am so energized after all of the fun we had together.  You know who you are!  A late night shopping trip to Kmart, a four hour lunch at the winery, an afternoon spent by the pool with our babies, a chat over peanut butter shakes, a kid-free dinner out sharing a pitcher of sangria, a long car ride made shorter with a phone call from a best friend, an extremely loud trip to McDonald's with the kids.  None of those outings would be possible if I did not have relationships and friendships that stand the test of time and distance. 

 

Thank you to my parents and Mark's parents for making special memories with my children.  Watching a calf be born on a farm, catching candy with them at a parade, oohing and aahing under the fireworks.  Those little events are ones they will remember.  Thank you to aunts and uncles (the kids' and mine) who are an active part of our family.  Thank you to my 91 year old grandma for being spunky enough to spend a few days with nine rowdy kids.   I hope I have that kind of patience when I'm a great-grandmother.

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo

The Non-Blog Post Which Started It All: "Parenting is Hard."

My friends and family had been telling me for years that I should write a book or start a blog. Their words of encouragement always came after I posted some sort of story about our ever changing life on my Facebook page. I seriously considered the advice every few months, but I just never had the chance to make it happen. After all, I had been a little busy for the past several years.

Here's the lowdown on our family: 

I was a teacher and Mark was an engineer. We were married for a couple of years before our life as we knew it would change forever. I left the workforce at 24 to become a full-time stay at home mom. Our first two children, a boy and a girl, were born just over a year apart from one another. When they were still pretty tiny, we decided to uproot our babies and spend two years living in a foreign country: Japan of all places. That experience in itself warrants an entire blog. More on that later. Baby Number Three surprised us during our last year in Japan. We moved back to America while I was eight months pregnant and joyfully welcomed that little guy. Fast forward another year, and we moved again. Thankfully this time it was just one state away, still in the Midwest. After living there for just a few months, we learned that Baby Number Four would make a grand entrance into our family. He was our last baby, and we have been living in the same city for six years now. 

 

It’s the perfect time to start my long-anticipated blog, right? We feel settled, with no major life changes on the horizon. Well, that’s what we always say.

A few weeks ago, I posted an inspirational note on parenting to my Facebook page. It was greeted with so many positive responses from friends telling me that they really needed to hear what I was saying that day. Then I shared it on our school’s PTA page, and teachers and some parents I didn’t know were saying similar things, thanking me for my honesty. I shared it on a national page and a woman told me that my words were refreshing. I knew I hit a nerve with my writing, in a positive way, and I decided it was finally time that I did something about it. I began doing a little research, brainstorming titles for my one day, down the road blog. Then today, July 6, 2014, after I shared another parenting post on Facebook, my good friend told me I really needed to start a blog.

I’m listening. 

I’m ready. 

Here it is..."Mama Loves You and Chocolate, Too." 

Please read on to see what I wrote that really made me bite the bullet and start this blog.  I hope it touches you as it has touched many people in my life. 

“Parenting is Hard…”   Written on June 25, 2014

I keep having to remind myself of this new mantra I've discovered: "Parenting is hard." Nobody ever told me it was going to be easy, but somehow it seemed easier in the beginning. Sure, I was sleep deprived and up to my eyeballs in diapers for ten years, but I've found this next stage of parenting to be the most difficult so far.

Having a middle schooler threw me for a loop I was not expecting. Having four kids in three different schools made for a crazy year. I could not wait for summer vacation to be here! I realize now that our life will be this way from now until who knows when...crazy. The kids will always be in many different schools and experiencing different stages of growing up. Their ages are so spread apart, and it's extra obvious now. When the oldest was 7, they were all still so young and little. Now the older two are 11 1/2 and 10 1/2, and it's a whole new world. We can never go back to what it was before, and I have found myself struggling to accept it.

A friend of mine recently told me that these are the hardest years on a family. I can see it now. All the kids have mood swings like you would not believe. One minute, they're best friends; the next, they're screaming at the top of their lungs that they wished the others didn't exist. One day, they're telling me I'm the best cook in the world; the next, they're saying I only make "gross food."

We can't let our egos get the best of us. We can't believe these outbursts, or we'll never want to wake up to face another day. When I look around at school or church or on Facebook, it's easy for me to feel like our family doesn't measure up to the others around me. It makes me want to shut down and lock ourselves inside till everyone learns to behave in every social situation. Then I remember, parenting is hard. Everyone thinks it, they just don't always say it.

I ran into two friends at the grocery store the other night. We were all having the wonderful experience of shopping without our many children whining and pulling on our legs, calling us mean for not buying them a new toy or treat or whatever. We were relishing in the rare quiet and chance to talk without being asked, "Are you done yet? Let's gooooo!" We laughed that we should grab some wine and not go home. We had the chance to see that only a few weeks into summer vacation, we were all experiencing the exact same things. We all could see that parenting is hard, and that everyone feels it. Everyone's house is messy. Everyone's kids claim to be bored when they have an entire house full of toys. Everyone's kids fight with each other…a lot.

I'm writing this today because I need to vent, but also because maybe someone needs to hear it. Maybe one of my friends is feeling the stress I feel. Maybe you look at others and feel like they make parenting look so easy, but wonder why it's hard for you. I won't have the chance to run into most of you at the grocery store. I won't have the chance to give you a hug and say it's great to see you. Believe me, I wish I could. In the meantime, please take my little note as encouragement from afar.

Parenting is hard.

Let's admit it.

Let's accept it.

Let's get through it together.

 

I'd love for you to find me on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/mamalovesyouandchocolatetoo